Black Christmas

Black Christmas

What better way to celebrate Christmas than to watch this absolutely reprehensible Santa’s sack of utter shit. I heard this thing was a man hating mess but wow... just wow. Now here’s the thing, I know that this review is in line with the opinions of those ‘sjw’s ruining muh movies’ types but for once, I unfortunately have to somewhat agree.

Black Christmas 2019 has to be the most insulting horror remake of all time, it’s really that simple. You can keep your Rob Zombie’s Halloween and your Friday The 13th reboot, this is truly where respect and creativity regarding established classics goes to die. How else can I possibly put this? This movie, or should I say this style of movie, is what’s wrong with a lot of modern studio output. It’s not designed with entertainment in mind, it’s designed with appealing to demographics and certain social issues. Now don’t get me wrong, I love things like diversity and thematic exploration in films, but shit like this is so fucking far from being that. Shit like this and Antebellum from this year are a huge problem. They aren’t made for any other reason than to appeal to people wanting a diverse movie. Quality and subtlety are thrown out of the window in favour of: Look everyone, isn’t this so different and interesting? Doesn’t this appeal to your cause and your beliefs? No. This is progressiveness done by way of a Buzzfeed quiz or a feisty t shirt, it’s hollow and misguided and just so bloody boring.

Remaking Black Christmas with a narrative twist that included commentary on frat bro rape culture was genuinely a great foundation for a movie, I’m not hating the concept at all, just the terrible execution. Let me get this straight: This is Black Christmas because it’s set at a sorority at Christmas? Is that it? That’s not Black Christmas. And why is the social commentary so poorly handled? Especially when it’s literally all everyone talks about for the bulk of the runtime. And why would you even make a movie with rape as a central theme when all you’re gonna do is point fingers at an entire demographic, one that’s basically a whole meme at this point? Things like this should be handled with subtlety, with nuance and heart, and put across in a way that is respectful to victims. This is just piss poor. Black Christmas isn’t a female empowerment story, it’s a cheap and hollow male hatred vehicle, specifically aimed at people who love to review movies by just posting ‘Men are trash’. I say this from the bottom of my heart, people deserved better than this. Actors, audiences and victims. Fuck this cash grab, fake woke, pandering shitfest. It’s not even good at being a horror movie either.

I need a drink.

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