Psycho ★★

Coming in 1998 to a cinema near you, the cinematic equivalent of the ‘We have ... at home’ memes!

Marvel as Vince Vaughn plays Norman Bates like he’s possessed by the souls of Peter Griffin and Depp’s Willy Wonka simultaneously!

Be wowed by Gus Van Sant’s ability to recreate scenes from an old movie, just without any of their original artistry and intellect! Randomly throwing in abstract shots of cows!

Gasp as the movie decides to take Hitchcock’s subtle psychosexual themes and shit all over them by just having Vince Vaughn give his dick a handshake!

Be completely fucking bored as you slowly realise that this is just Psycho but in colour and slightly hornier! 

Imagine if he did this with Rear Window? Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly would probably be swapped out for Jeff Goldblum and Cameron Diaz. And instead of the two characters being kinda loved up, there’d be a completely out of place scene where she pegs him or some shit to drive home their relationship status. It’s just ridiculous.

Gus Van Sant, I don’t know what you were thinking but err... this wasn’t it.

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