• Paint Drying

    Paint Drying

    ★★★★★

    For those that feel alone on this app, fucking socialise no matter how shy you are. I’m writing this while sat in the pub while my Letterboxd buddy Mila presumably throws up in a Wetherspoons toilet. Life is great, enjoy thyself. Meet up with those strangers, they ain’t all axe murderers!

  • Phantasm II

    Phantasm II

    ★★½

    Ladies of the world! From now on, when you’re telling everyone that you want a guy over 6 feet, please do not use ‘feet’ as a measurement of height. He’s either shorter or taller than The Tall Man from the Phantasm movies. 

    Thank you for listening.

  • Battle Royale II: Requiem

    Battle Royale II: Requiem

    ★★½

    Battle Royale is one of my favourite films ever made. It’s by far one of the greatest things to ever come out of Japan. It’s iconic, it’s brutal, it’s smart, and above all else, it’s very self contained. If you haven’t seen it, you should definitely get around to it. I’ve known about this sequel for a while but after seeing the reviews, yeah... I didn’t want to watch a movie that actively shit on the ending of one of…

  • [REC]²

    [REC]²

    ★★★½

    This doesn’t quite reach the blurry, shaky cam heights of the original but to be honest, how could it? When you’ve got foundations as sturdy and iconic as REC, it’s difficult to build atop them without ruining what you’ve already built. 

    However, what this thing gets right is basically almost everything that the original did. It’s short, adrenaline fuelled found footage with some great tension and non-exploitative scares. Somehow, those set pieces with people scrambling through doors and grappling with…

  • In Search of Darkness: Part II

    In Search of Darkness: Part II

    ★★★½

    Stalker is like three hours long and I’ve had the criterion blu ray for like a year and a half... Nine hours of an eighties horror retrospective and it’s sequel was definitely the best usage of my time. You guys should definitely hop on the eighties horror wave though, it’s fun and totally not me trying to time travel to a time where the eighties was at least more authentic than shit like Stranger Things.

    Anyway... This one slightly trumps…

  • The Stuff

    The Stuff

    ★★★

    Nothing says The Eighties like a low budget, Body Snatchers-esque horror movie where a sentient dessert is an allegory for rampant capitalism.

  • In Search of Darkness: A Journey Into Iconic '80s Horror

    In Search of Darkness: A Journey Into Iconic '80s Horror

    ★★★½

    Less of a definitive documentary and more of a really fun, informative, fan service-y retrospective of all things eighties horror.

    As someone who’s recently become quite the eighties horror fan, so much of this four hour thing boosted my watchlist up by like fifty movies. Horror fans and people associated with those movies are just the absolute most fun to listen to. There’s clearly so much passion and love these people have and it’s amazing that it’s on par with…

  • The Mutilator

    The Mutilator

    ★★½

    I know slasher movies are stereotypically full of braindead tool-bags, but this movie really jumps the proverbial shark when a guy gets roped into going downstairs to lock up, under the promise of sex... and takes about twenty long minutes to check every nook and cranny. Ralph, you hairy chested bozo! Go bang your missus!

  • The Initiation

    The Initiation

    ★★★

    Yes, yes and more yes. This is the eighties slasher bullshit I’ve been craving. I literally started watching this like two weeks ago and gave up half an hour in... what a dumbass move that was. Once the stabby shit starts, this thing kicks into classic eighties high gear, with insane twists, gimmicky kills and a genuinely great setting, a giant mall. 

    I’ve been thinking recently, all these wannabe eighties nostalgia trips get the vibe all wrong. You can’t replicate…

  • The Tomorrow War

    The Tomorrow War

    ★★½

    Nothing says “200 million dollar streaming service acquisition” like a lukewarm, flashy blockbuster. 

    First, before I talk about how much of a mess this thing is, I wanna talk about something. Chris Pratt. Ive noticed that half of the discourse surrounding this movie is about him being a supposedly raging homophobe and why? Because of rumours? I’ve watched this guy go from being loved to hated in the span of two years all because people read a few rumours and…

  • Paint Drying

    Paint Drying

    Possibly the masterpiece of the century.
    Generation defining cinema...

    Jokes. I made a fancy new About Me list, if you’re interested in what stupid ass me has to say, feel free to give it a look here. Also, I’ve not been as active lately but that doesn’t really matter because I’m pretty sure most other people haven’t either. But I’m gonna make an effort, saddle up and get back on the movie horse this week, starting Tuesday I think. I’m…

  • Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets

    Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets

    ★★★★½

    The world is fucked and all we collectively have are our sanctuaries of happiness. They can be cinemas, theatres, libraries, parks, bars, it doesn’t matter. These sanctuaries are real, personal, connected to the very fibres of our meagre being. Lifting the lid on a bar especially though, is alike to lifting a large rock and disturbing the unassuming ants that have made their home beneath. Bars and pubs are, aside from the bedroom or in a therapist’s office, where we…