The Mummy ½

Instead of breaking out of the grave, getting off to a flying start & putting Universal Studios' Dark Universe on the map, The Mummy ends up burying its own universe by digging in the opposite direction and is one of the absolute worst movies to surface in cinemas this year, or any year for that matter. A hell of an eyesore from start to finish, it's no less than an atrocity.

The Mummy tells the story of an ancient princess who was mummified alive for eternity after she summoned the Devil & murdered those who denied her her destiny. Awakened by a mercenary in the present era who inadvertently excavated her tomb beneath the desert, she returns with fury to reclaim her world and has something special in store for the one who set her free.

Directed by Alex Kurtzman, The Mummy is cringeworthy from its opening moments. The prologue creates no intrigue whatsoever and when it moves to the contemporary setting, it only gets worse. Kurtzman's direction is downright terrible, for he's unable to carve any interesting moment in the movie. Even the action is dull, CGI spectacle is empty, and there's nothing redeemable about any of it.

The screenplay is another culprit, packing a plot that never makes sense, filled with characters who are totally moronic, and its desperate attempts at humour fall flat every single time. Technical aspects don't mean much when the movie fails at even the basic aspects of storytelling. Just about everything feels off here, whether it's the tone or subplots or themes, and the central element that's supposed to bind it all together is nowhere to be found.

Coming to the performances, the cast consists of Tom Cruise, Russell Crowe, Sofia Boutella, Jake Johnson & Annabelle Wallis, and possibly all of them deliver the worst performances of their lives, with Johnson actually committing career suicide. Cruise is awful, Crowe is no different, Boutella at least tries to play her poorly written character the best she could, Wallis is okay at best while the interactions between them is just stupid & headache-inducing.

On an overall scale, The Mummy is simply a stack of one facepalm moment over another and is an embarrassment to blockbuster filmmaking. What it expects to be funny isn't funny, what it thinks is cool isn't cool, what it believes to be thrilling isn't thrilling. There's just nothing in it that works the way it's supposed to and the longer it goes on, the more insufferable it becomes. An unnecessary turd that nobody ever asked for, this soulless blockbuster is an insult to human intelligence. Either skip it or suffer.