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  • Moonstruck

    Moonstruck

    ★★★

    Ass Review:
    I couldn’t finish this movie because I don’t like the idea of Nicolas Cage being in love and having sex. I think it should be illegal. I am a flawed person with some inexplicable biases that I am working through. Even worse, he had the best ass of the movie. Maybe Cher had a good butt that defied the odds of her boneyness under all her layers of clothes, but I just didn’t see it from the half…

  • Baseball

    Baseball

    ★★★★★

    Ass review:
    People who say baseball is a boring sport are cowards too afraid to acknowledge that the slow pace of the sport is meant for resting your eyes on those sweet baseball butts. Soccer moves too fast, and football has too many commercial breaks. But baseball? One shot of a butt you could rest a tea tray on, and you think, sure - why not go into extra innings? Ken Burns’ Baseball is 18.5 hours of baseball butts, from…

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  • Booksmart

    Booksmart

    ★★★★★

    Ass review:
    Ass for days! Everyone's butt was adorable and the editors made sure we knew it. Little butts, big butts, slo mo butts. You name it, this precious movie has it. I appreciated the artistry and butt respect. Two cheeks way up

  • GoodFellas

    GoodFellas

    ★★★

    Ass review:
    These boys were so busy getting up to no good that they didn't have time to tailor their suits at all! Hard to discern a good butt in a suit someone is swimming in, which is sad because I bet Joe Pesci's got a surprisingly good butt. The ladies of the film really had to carry that ass weight to the table, and I'd say they did a good job.