• Napoleon

    Napoleon

    ★★★

    French: Napoleon, although controversial and imperial, was a great man

    Russians: Napoleon shouldn't have attacked Russia, but the revolution that he embodied inspired us immensely

    Bri'ish: Happy 200 years of being dead ya tiny cheeky cunt

  • Solaris

    Solaris

    ★★★★★

    Exists in the space between rationality and irritationality; all of the symbolisms to be inferred and digested. To be candid, this film has taught me more about being at peace with my own self, alone, than just about any other piece of art in existence.

  • Just Go with It

    Just Go with It

    ★★

    To compare sandler film to sandler film is really just a measure of whether you think the way he dragged his nuts all over your eyeholes was funny...this time, because all of them are just him dragging nuts.

  • Pootie Tang

    Pootie Tang

    ★★★½

    This film is the joker to Ghost Dog's batman.

  • Can't Get You Out of My Head

    Can't Get You Out of My Head

    ★★★★★

    Take my opinion with a grain of salt, all of Curtis' films are like catnip to me and I also watched this quite blasted in a vr headset.

    Having said that, this is an unmitigated masterpiece that I will be basing my life on for the next decade.

  • eXistenZ

    eXistenZ

    ★★★½

    What it's like to experience Wii Sports Resort.

  • Hot Rod

    Hot Rod

    ★★★½

    "I'm freakin PUMPED!! I've been drinking green tea all goddamn day!!"

    The more I think about it, the more I understand that Shakira at the super bowl last year was the highlight of my life.

  • Billy Madison

    Billy Madison

    ★★★★

    The chaos that constantly surrounds Sandler exists only to be ignored or interacted with at his character's wim. True Buggs Bunny energy. In this way we approach Zen.......Ommm.....Ommm.

    #freestav

  • Collateral

    Collateral

    ★★★★

    One of those movies you rate 4/5, but know you're going to watch a ridiculous number of times until you're like 'fuck it this is my favorite movie'

  • Ocean's Eleven

    Ocean's Eleven

    ★★★★½

    On the 40th watch of this Don Cheadle still just be like:
    🅱arney wubble..............TROUBLE!!!!

  • New Rose Hotel

    New Rose Hotel

    ★★★★½

    This followed by demonlover are a wonderful twin tantric sexpionage doube feature. Probably the best doubleheader I've ever accidentally watched, I can't recommend enough.

  • Dark City

    Dark City

    ★★★

    All three of those stars are for the most gratuitous use of an automat since looney tunes.