• Black Widow

    Black Widow

    Ever since the first Avengers movie fans like me have wondered "who is this mysterious Natasha Romanov? Where does she come from and how did she become the beautiful and lethal 'Black Widow'?" This film answers all these questions.

    Watched on an airplane on my iphone, pretty entertaining, not bad. Also Ray Winstone doing a Russian accent lmao.

  • On Deadly Ground

    On Deadly Ground

    ★★★½

    Seagal cashed in all his Hollywood chips to direct and star in this movie where he becomes an Inuit and delivers an impassioned speech about indigenous land rights and the evils of oil companies, the government and media. There is no braver or more noble man in human history.

  • Remember the Titans

    Remember the Titans

    ★★★

    There's nothing wrong with America that a little football can't fix. A great airplane watch.

  • The Master

    The Master

    ★★★★½

    Another movie about how being horny drives you insane, thankfully this condition can be cured through processing (jacking off).

  • Big Trouble in Little China

    Big Trouble in Little China

    ★★★★½

    Saw this one in theaters last night, great, great fun, was bouncing in my seat and shadowboxing during the opening credits when that Porkchop Express theme drops. Out of all the American movies made by white people about the exotic orient and the magical powers of Asians, this one is by far the least racist, if for no reason other than the fact that not one, but TWO of the Asian characters actually get pussy, which pretty much never happens…

  • Interview with the Vampire

    Interview with the Vampire

    ★★½

    David Geffen produced this movie about gay sex predators who steal children, don't worry even though they look like children, through the dark gift of vampirism they're actually like 30.

    lol the scenes where Brad Pitt owns slaves are so funny.

  • 2010

    2010

    ★★★

    If you can separate this from the masterpiece it's a sequel to, then it's a pretty cool sci fi procedural with Roy Scheider.

  • The French Dispatch

    The French Dispatch

    A romantic, bittersweet fantasy about the most noble people of all: New Yorker magazine editors and writers, plus you see Léa Seydoux totally nude. You see everything.

  • L.A. Confidential

    L.A. Confidential

    ★★★★★

    A perfect movie that made America fall in love with Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce, and they're still both as a beautiful as the day we married them.

  • Strange Days

    Strange Days

    ★★★★

    Happy New Year!

  • The Power of the Dog

    The Power of the Dog

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    That Bronco Henry bussy got me acting strange...

    For the first hour of this movie I thought it was about how in every set of brothers there is a quiet, kind and loving one who is dominated by an evil, gay one, but then as this film went on, I realized it's about how everyone will eventually be dominated by an even more evil, gay, autistic teenager. Like all Jane Campion movies this one is infused with the threat of sexual violence and a strangely malevolent yet inviting perversity. This is the first movie I've seen with Benedict Cumberbatch where I've liked him.

  • The Last Samurai

    The Last Samurai

    ★★★½

    Same director, but this film manages to be the exact inverse of 'Glory', a film about a white man who bravely fights and dies to liberate others from a cruel and oppressive feudal social order, in this one a white man fights and *lives*--like an absolute coward--to preserve one. Despite Edward Zwick's bird-brained conception of the Samurai rebellion against the Meiji restoration as some kind of indigenous people's struggle, through a little thing I like to call "movie magic"--incredible sword duels, battle scenes, and Tom Cruise--this movie is a winner.