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  • Hazbin Hotel

    Hazbin Hotel

    fuck

    sex

    gay

    please laugh

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    MY MAN COMING IN WITH THE 4:3, FUCK ME UP DUDE

  • Black Is King

    Black Is King

    ★★½

    uneven as hell, sometimes aesthetically gorgeous but other times bland, sometimes powerful and evocative and other times cringe worthy, performances (and the music) here range from riveting to whatever (my dude Hov does NOT want to be here lmao), ultimately it just ends up feeling bogged down by Disney and the stupid fucking Lion King integration but the best moments here are good enough to make it somewhat worth it. hell of a disappointment coming off of Lemonade. i can’t…

  • Click

    Click

    ★★★½

    halfway there to being a legitimately fantastic reckoning with morality, the back half is surprisingly great and the ending is emotionally potent, with a wonderful tear jerker to round most of it off. but even then the first half isn’t great, a number of gags here suck, including a terrible brownface Rob Schneider, and it never quite lives up to the concept’s potential but not for lack of trying. this is a good movie nonetheless, for a mainstream comedy it’s…

  • Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

    Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

    ★★★½

    there is nobody more attractive than Rodrick in this movie. i would sacrifice my firstborn to look like him. i would be honored to walk the ground he puts his feet upon. i want him to spit on me. i want him to treat me like shit. i would thank him for it. this movie is the reason i am not straight. thank you Rodrick for my sexual awakening

  • Good Burger

    Good Burger

    ★★★★

    unironically touches on social issues in the 90s in a surprisingly sensitive manner while throwing back to 80s comedies and staying way ahead of the game in inclusivity. it’s also quite fun and genuinely funny, a lot of the gags here aren’t pushing boundaries but it’s clear people cared about them and it’s a better movie for it. a fantastic feel good comedy even beyond the ironic sense. not sure at all why it has such a low average rating

  • Face/Off

    Face/Off

    ★★★★½

    if you don’t like this movie you’re an enemy of cinema idc, one of the most outrageous films ever conceived and somehow even more off the wall nuts than it’s concept, Woo’s ability to throw everything at the wall and have most of it stick is downright incredible. you either like movies and enjoy a slo mo shootout with Nic Cage and John Travolta surrounding a crashed plane or you don’t like movies and think it’s stupid. don’t know what…

  • Raiders of the Lost Ark

    Raiders of the Lost Ark

    ★★★★★

    a film that ends with America gaining what is perhaps the most powerful, godly object in all of history and then putting it away and forgetting about it, like the Hebrews hundreds of years before. as stunning as it was the first time, the action is still some of the finest blocked scenes ever put to film, legitimately unfair how good that motherfucker Spielberg is at blocking scenes. it also doesn’t hurt that it has some of the tightest editing of all time, and two of the hottest leads ever. some of the greatest shit out there

  • The Kissing Booth 2

    The Kissing Booth 2

    ½

    astonishing cinema, legitimately impressed with this thing

  • A Woman Under the Influence

    A Woman Under the Influence

    ★★★★★

    perhaps the best display of feminism ever committed to film, astonishingly captures the failures of mental institution in relation to their patients and the abuse it puts upon them, where many of those patients are women who men deem crazy for no reason other than that they exist outside social normalities. it’s as hard to deal with as anything but Cassavetes looks it dead in the eyes and lets it melt your soul away. Peter Falk and Gena Rowlands and…

  • Ishtar

    Ishtar

    ★★★★★

    a film decades ahead of its time, May’s sharp ability to blend her knack for comedic environments into the sort of cringe comedy that got popularized in the aughts is fantastic. sort of a proto Burn After Reading, except better than that film, i find it hard to figure out why this was so critically panned. Beatty and Hoffman’s dynamic is so charming and so many scenes are hilariously memorable (the hotel fight, the suicide police scene), there’s too much…

  • La La Land

    La La Land

    ★★★★½

    painfully devoid of sexual tension. you could easily make the film and the core relationship so much more believable if you convinced me that they fuck. they don’t. Sebastian is probably a virgin