colin... Patron

YouTube Channel
A video essayist that just wants you to be happy.

Favorite films

  • Oppenheimer
  • Asteroid City
  • Slow
  • They Cloned Tyrone

Recent activity

  • Terrifier 2


  • Terrifier


  • When Evil Lurks


  • Five Nights at Freddy's


Pinned reviews

  • Columbus



    My girlfriend almost broke up with me today. We haven't seen each other in two months due to quarantine. She called me and said she wanted to continue our relationship 5 or so hours later. The whole ordeal resulted in me having a panic attack.

    And yet somehow, at two in the morning after a night of crying alone in my bedroom with my dog giving me comfort nuzzles, I end up here.

    Columbus is my happy place. I can…

  • Dolittle


    This movie...

    was so bad...

    that the theater was empty...

    on opening night.


Recent reviews

  • Terrifier



    Objection, your honor!

    He was just in a silly goofy mood!

  • When Evil Lurks

    When Evil Lurks


    Am I just fucked or is this nowhere near as disturbing as everyone else says it is?

    Like, the film is good, the acting is great and there's certainly tension there, but this "most brutal film of the year" jargon just doesn't click with me. Sure, the gore is realistic (besides the scene where bro gets his head bashed in lol) but that's about it for me.

    A solid film that would have been top tier if any of the subtext that it was constantly hinting at had any sort of meaning whatsoever.

Popular reviews

  • Scream


    There is absolutely no shot that this has a 3.6 average on here.

    I must just be on crack, because this was so so so bad. It's an endless pool of meta that hits you across the face with it as bluntly as possible. There's no grace, it's one of those movies that makes fun of tropes and bad things about horror films... and then just does those things, but because they mentioned it, now they're self aware! The acting…

  • A Quiet Place Part II

    A Quiet Place Part II


    The response to this film makes sense to me.

    Most people liked the first one and they think this one is better.

    I thought the first one was mediocre and I think this one is worse.

    The first thing that has to be addressed is that the pacing here is awful. The film is literally missing a third act. Ambiguity is cool, but your film kinda just does need to have an ending, and there's just not an ending here.…