matt has written 16 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • Swimfan
  • The Adventures of Pluto Nash

    The Adventures of Pluto Nash


    I perhaps foolishly assumed this would be like so many other legendary flops: ambitious but misguided, with flashes of inspiration, ultimately not particularly good but better than its reputation. And it is all those things (well, except that last one)! Additionally it is insufferably unfunny, bloated at barely 90 minutes, ugly as shit despite some impressive and expensive production design and VFX, and basically it just sucks. I wanted to find the secret of Eddie Murphy's THE FIFTH ELEMENT, but turns out there isn't one.

  • Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile
  • Chained Girls

    Chained Girls

    One of your more insipid pre-mondo "documentary" exposes, pretty much pure homophobia. I don't deny chuckling at some of this patently absurd, wildly dated bullshit, but like they say, careless talk costs lives.

  • Slender Man

    Slender Man


    Shit Follows

  • Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance

    Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance


    Has a Tommy Wiseau cameo. This can fuck right off.

  • Get Hard

    Get Hard


    Maybe they should do a sequel about a black kid who gets falsely arrested, then spends years in prison suffering all manner of abuse while awaiting trial because he can't make bail, then when he does finally get out, he's so annihilated he can't function any longer and then commits suicide. Fuck this.

  • All Cheerleaders Die

    All Cheerleaders Die


    a perfect example of the narrow range of woman so-called "feminist" genre film considers valuable and empowered. a huge step back for McKee.

  • Doom



    just barely.

  • Machete Kills

    Machete Kills

    hunger and enthusiasm, once all he had, has become anathema to Rodriguez's aesthetic. he used to make them cheap because he had to, now it's just because he can do it in his bathrobe. he's a pathetic joke and this isn't even a movie.

  • R.I.P.D.



    90-some-odd minutes you'll be begging for on your deathbed.

  • The East

    The East


    reductive, appropriately smug thriller about an inexperienced idiot tasked by a private security firm with an undercover operation to expose the world's most boldly incompetent ecoterrorists. despite a law-enforcement background she frequently violates the law (not maliciously but unthinkingly, jeopardizing the mission), and her naiveté and inability to reconcile her emotions with her job collide with their essentially suicidal audacity and sheer ineptitude to create literally fatal moral calamities that could have been avoided either by A) anybody knowing what the fuck they're doing or what's at stake or B) not making this massively stupid movie. runs an absolutely brazen two hours.