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matt has written 145 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Vivarium

    Vivarium

    ★½

    Yet another gallingly self-satisfied artistic treatise on domesticity as a bleak, monotonous trap that robs you of agency and pleasure while you slowly dig your own grave, all for the briefest of emotional connections. I feel like stealing another 98 minutes of my life to tell me this might constitute an actual crime.

  • The Wave

    The Wave

    ★½

    Stupidly announces its dipshit stoner dorm room twist almost immediately and then has the unmitigated gall to apply said twist to a narrative in which I was asked to give a shit about anything Justin Long does or says.

  • It Chapter Two

    It Chapter Two

    ★½

    Great job turning this deeply idiosyncratic, sprawling story about collective trauma and history into Serious Beetlejuice.

  • Perfect Stranger
  • Du-beat-e-o

    Du-beat-e-o

    ★½

    Rightfully buried.

  • Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    ★½

    Never thought I'd say it but Ryan Reynolds talking actually makes this slightly bearable.

  • Late Night

    Late Night

    ★½

    A stunningly tin-eared 90-minute platitude about a wildly successful professional who we're meant to believe doesn't understand her own identity as a performer, and the idea that buffering that identity with "diversity hires" (the film's own term, not mine) will reveal its truth. Also if I didn't know better I'd assume that nobody involved in this has ever worked in television or maybe even been on a set.

  • Long Shot

    Long Shot

    ★½

    For all the staggeringly lazy performative wokeness on display here it's worth noting that Rogen's character is still the dynamic one who ultimately gets the opportunity to accept or decline this relationship. I mean it's also incredibly dull and unfunny and nonsensical, but yeah mostly hypocritical.

  • Rules of Engagement

    Rules of Engagement

    ★½

    Jackson's character is absolutely correctly tried for what's tantamount to war crime while the film argues that since his country put a gun in his hand nobody should be held responsible for who he chooses to shoot. Classic pre-9/11 jingoism and xenophobia paired with quintessentially clueless Friedkin provocation for its own sake that actually sneers at any pretense of moral ambiguity, because it's for weaklings. The final salute that ends this movie is just gross.

  • Miss Bala

    Miss Bala

    ★½

    Embarrassingly defanged and pandering.

  • Hellboy

    Hellboy

    ★½

    Desperate and ugly. Can't even muster a fraction of the visual imagination of the otherwise-also-disappointing del Toro ones. I mean at least those don't look and sound completely like garbage.

  • Fallen

    Fallen

    ★½