matt has written 94 reviews for films with no rating.

  • The January Man

    The January Man

    What is this movie about?

  • Run Hide Fight

    Run Hide Fight

    Alright. So, I'm not going to make excuses for this. I'm not going to suggest that you, the viewer, owe it some level of compartmentalization regarding its subject matter and politics, its producers, or its distributors (even if you did, none of them need or deserve it), or that you "can't handle it." None of that bullshit from me. This film's smug intent is to make a button-pushing, deeply unpleasant, lizard-brain exciting thriller -- DIE HARD in a school shooting…

  • Torn from Innocence

    Torn from Innocence

    A work of tremendous non-genius that sets new stupid standards for DIY vanity project ineptitude, the current wave of Criminal Minds-ish sex traffic paranoia, and copaganda. A must see.

  • Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead

    Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead

    "It's clunky."
    "Clunky?"
    "It's fucking clunky."
    "What's clunky? What do you know about clunky?"
    "I know clunky and that's fucking clunky."

    One of the most insipid things I have ever seen.

    Discussed on Episode 48 of The Suspense is Killing Us.

  • Beckman

    Beckman

    Yes, as I'm sure you expected, this is a Christian-themed JOHN WICK knockoff about a hitman-turned-preacher ("The Koreans call him 'Agma'...the demon!" Sound familiar?) who comes out of retirement to go after the leader of a pagan sex cult. It has the assassin underworld stuff, the heavy lighting, the CGI blood, and the gun combat. It even sorta has the (relatively) stacked supporting cast including, among others, a disoriented-looking Burt Young. It's front-to-back hilarious and tantalizingly competent where it counts. I feel very safe calling this the best Christian action movie ever made (I've seen two of them).

  • Welcome to Sudden Death

    Welcome to Sudden Death

    One of the clumsiest and most comically cheap DTV action transmissions I've ever witnessed. That's not a knock. Rest assured it is indeed some kind of thing.

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    "Because making something disappear isn't enough; you have to bring it back. That's why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call 'The Prestige.'"

    Doesn't have one. Still pretty rad.

  • You Don't Mess with the Zohan
  • Sick-o-pathics

    Sick-o-pathics

    I have such sights to show you. Did you know there was an Italian SOV scene? I didn't. Did you know it produced this parody/anthology pukefest featuring cameos from Lucio Fulci, Joe D'Amato, Linnea Quigley, and a crossdressing David Warbeck? Did you even want to know this shit? An affectionate DIY jerkoff on Books of Blood, complete with Cenobite hookchains but also including blowup sex doll demon dicks and perverts compelled to sniff used condoms. 55 minutes of sheer Hell. If I wasn't ready for this, there's absolutely no fuckin way you are.

    Thanks to disgusting degenerate Steve Carlson for the tipoff.

  • Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal

    Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal

    There's nothing constructive to be said about this, it can only be experienced. It's about a goth-metal rockstar (the actor is in a dual performance -- to say more is a spoiler) battling satanic cultists on the hijacked airplane aboard which he was going to stage his farewell concert. Most of the movie is people in various different places talking to each other on phones or radios about what's happening on the plane. Rutger Hauer never leaves the cockpit set and has almost no dialogue. Craig Sheffer was also in TURBULENCE 2 but in this he plays a different guy.

  • Faces in the Crowd

    Faces in the Crowd

    Silly, mostly bad. And yet Milla is in it, so I am filled with conflict. She gets a great looking-into-a-mirror freakout.

    One of my favorite things in movies like this is when the heroine is in a public place and hears or sees something that triggers her, you know like a phone call from the killer or a run-in with her stalker ex, and she panics and sort of causes a scene, and everyone else is repulsed or annoyed instead of just asking this obviously terrified woman if she's ok. Good stuff.

  • Above Suspicion

    Above Suspicion

    DNF. I honestly can't believe Philip Noyce had anything to do with this.