I'm not answering any Goddamned questions without my lawyer here.
I may have written this before, but it bears repeating: I could live the remainder of a long and fulfilling life without ever seeing the surface of Tatooine again. Seriously, between fully half the movies, plus The Mandalorian, The Book of Boba Fett, and now this, I have spent more hours on Tatooine than I have in the western part of Massachusetts, and I've lived here for most of forty years. At this point I'm convinced D.B. Cooper escaped to…
I am going to Texas next week, so it seems like the perfect time to watch a movie about a bunch of out-of-towners getting rapemurdered by local repressed Jesus freaks driven mostly crazy by isolation and a God that told them to keep their hands off their junk, but not their shotguns.
It is 1979, and a small group of indie filmmakers roll into East Leatherface, Texas, to a rented ranch guest house, to film a porno that, based on…
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Protip: do not ever attend an ex's wedding, even if there is an unlimited open bar. Actually, especially if there is an open bar. And extra especially if you have the magical power to turn your ex's new spouse into something that greedily feeds on pig dung. Anyway, this is a movie about selling Disney Plus subscriptions.
Okay: there's a teenage girl named America Chavez who has the power to physically travel the Multiverse, but not to become a breakthrough…
We open with seizure-inducing flickering lights and a voice over direct from an incel's manifesto, and I fear that I might have made a terrible movie selection.
Then we cut to a teenager, who has apparently murdered a girl in his bedroom, calling his mom for help, and it seems the voice over might well have been straight out of an incel's 4Chan post history, and I am questioning the life choices that have brought me here, in front of…