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  • Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

    Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

    ★★★★

    okay so i love the original maleficent and this is basically everything i wanted in a sequel, it's a complete messy overdramatic trashfire like the first one but i'm 100% with it's pure energy, it's so fun and sincere and has like 4 different endings and is totally convinced of it's romantic notions and i'm totally down with it. michelle pieffer is fucking great and angelina jolie owns this role so hard that every time she appeared on screen, my…

  • Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

    Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

    ★★★★

    THE MYSTERY OF THE DRUIDS

    holy crap i was not expecting this level of quality. i know there's a producer's cut for this but even from watching the theatrical this is heads and shoulders above most slasher movies and about on par with the original. it's much more broader than that film but the kills and scares are about as effective and i really adore the dreary buffy season 1 smalltown autumn vibes you get from this, half the film…

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  • Midsommar

    Midsommar

    ½

    repetitive grief porn in which bipolar disorder makes you kill your family, shitty boyfriends get rehabilitated, looking ugly makes you evil and there's a whole bunch of fussy red herrings of symbolism thrown out to ensure that, even if you aren't making a good movie, even if you're making a fucking abysmal, brain-dead, hateful film, the audience will still come out thinking: "well, hey, maybe i just didn't get it, maybe i didn't understand?" and then they can look up…

  • Gemini Man

    Gemini Man

    ½

    gemini man illustrates to me perfectly what i despise about seeing movies currently

    you have a bored auteur who isn't really interested in a +20 year old script making a mid-budget action movie that actually costs 138 million dollars because a movie can't just be a movie, no, this has to be the MAXIMUM THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE™ featuring one-hundred and twenty frames of one of the biggest movie stars in history. but no, that's not good enough to make will smith…