• Robot Jox

    Robot Jox

    ★★★½

    Ur a cop if u trash on a movie where the United States and Russia solve their disputes with a mech warrior tournament. Sorry officer I don’t make the rules.

  • Battlestar Galactica

    Battlestar Galactica

    ★★★★½

    Idk why but I go absolutely feral for the editing when the title Battlestar Galactica pops in at the start of the second episode. Show rules

  • E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

    E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

    ★★★★½

    I always forget that during the final chase there’s a real threat that the police could murder E.T. and Elliott and all of their friends, despite Elliott’s mom desperately crying “No guns! They’re only children!”

  • Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - What You Leave Behind

    Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - What You Leave Behind

    ★★★★★

    The best Star Trek show, the best Star Trek finale, the best Star Trek final season, the best Star Trek Captain, the best Star Trek setting, the best Star Trek villain, the best Star Trek aliens, the best Star Trek cast of characters, the best Star Tr 

  • Kiki's Delivery Service

    Kiki's Delivery Service

    ★★★★½

    Imagine hand-painting B-roll

  • Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

    Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

    ★★★½

    Transparent but earnest introspection by Millenials for Millenials a la Everything Everywhere All at Once. Extremely cute and sweet, but unsurprisingly melancholic. It was honestly well put-together and compelling despite my unfamiliarity with the shorts it’s based on. I feel like I recognize that spider though.

    But the most important thing is that the little kids in my theater seemed to enjoy it as much as their parents, despite it not being an Illumination™ fart movie.

  • The Northman

    The Northman

    ★★★★★

    Why didn’t my mom like this as much as I did?

  • Nope

    Nope

    ★★★★½

    I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I can see only the overwhelming indifference of nature.“

    -Werner Herzog

    Film as a concept feels like a really uniquely human thing, right? Sapient life capturing images then sequentially moving them to create meaning and the illusion of motion. It’s kinda bizarre if you think about it too hard, but boy do we desperately try to find meaning in everything. 

    But being human ain’t all sequential images and meaning; at the end…

  • The Gray Man

    The Gray Man

    ★★★

    When Michael Bay does excessive drone shots: “Wow this is hysterical I hope you keep doing this.”

    When anyone else does excessive drone shots:
    “It’s time to stop.”

    I’d way rather watch the Russo brothers copy John Wick in their action scenes than the same Bourne Identity shaky-cam they were ripping off ten years ago. But really I’m just a mark for an easy Ryan Gosling Bond movie with Billy Bob Thornton as M.

  • Ambulance

    Ambulance

    ★½

    On some level I empathize with those who love Michael Bay’s cocktail of presentational cynicism and textual earnestness, as well as his fearless abandonment of traditional technique. AmbuLAnce is packed to the brim with moments so stupid/genius/stupid that no other filmmaker could have even conceived of them, and yet… I’ve kinda seen it all before.

    As crazy as it may sound, this felt like Bay going through the motions. Sparky explosions, big dogs, gore, American flags, shaky close-up “coverage”, surgery…

  • Firebase

    Firebase

    ★★★

    Firebase encapsulates my relationship with Blomkamp’s work

    When I was 16 I would’ve had nothing but praise for his films. His Halo commericals, District 9, and Oats Studios shorts showcased a ‘gritty’ sci-fi aesthetic and brilliantly utilized visual effects.

    I still appreciate the sci-fi designs and CG work, and the ideas he’s working with are usually cool, but his storytelling feels like death by expository firing squad. The verisimilitude of his overall visual style hasn’t aged particularly well either, and…

  • Kill Me Again

    Kill Me Again

    ★★★★

    The violence is grimy and permanent, the dialogue is no-nonsense, and the twists are laden with mixed emotions. It’s a neo-noir with a light ironic wit that follows or cynically bends the genre’s conventions to fit the mood. Long live Val Kilmer.