I used to love movies. I still do, but I used to, too.Β
Jean Arthur fanboy. Juliette Binoche devotee.
If I have not love, I have nothing.
In a word, spellbinding. Kieslowski stretches the cinematic vista to fashion this never-seen-before emotional register. Where feelings can be understood like a colour. Grief can be heard like a solitary note of music. Detachment can be touched upon, made physical and concrete in the depths of our beating hearts. And hope can be practically tasted, in the presence and eventual acceptance of all-new life and letting go.
Letting go of the memoriesβ¦
The more I think about it, the more I realize I live life in a perpetual crossroads. This constant middle lane between loneliness and freedom. An intersection between existence and merely coasting by. The well-doomed purgatory between failing to actively pursue a life worth living. And wanting to make much more of myself, to phrase it as bluntly as I possibly can.
The biggest fear is one day losing all control of that choice completely.
Mona, when we first meetβ¦
The human spirit in all its hunger and thirst, and every piece chewed and devoured until it's spat up and swallowed again. The human desire to be more human than humans had thought until thatβs all we can taste on the tips of our still human tongues.
What almost immediately strikes me about the viewing of such a specific exercise (asking folks from every age the highly personal yet profoundly simple questions of who they are + what they wantβ¦
Ouch. This broke me.
I generally try to stay away from being overly personal with my writing on here for fear of oversharing but it feels only appropriate here.
My grandparents on my mothers side are creeping into their nineties. Obviously, this is an achievement in and of itself and we're very fortunate that they've lived such long, fruitful lives, including my formative years.
Naturally, with age they are becoming less and less able. It's painful and uncomfortable to watchβ¦
7-Year Old Me:Β This is the best story Iβve ever seen! I love fairytales.
14-Year Old Me: This is the best piss-take Iβve ever seen! I too, hate fairytales.
20-Year Old Me: This is the best meta-post-modern actioner-adventure-comedy-romance-with a wink Iβve ever seen! I love fourth wall breaking.
24-Year Old Me: Wallace Shawn is the funniest person to exist *ever* and should only be treated as such. Oh my God thatβs Peter Falk.Β Oh, and this just might be the best movie Iβve ever seen. I love it. Itβs perfect. I love movies.
A lovely send-off to a less-than lovely year. Happy New Year folks!