MST3k Version: 4 stars
When I was young and stupid, I thought this movie was a little slow and boring. I watch it now and realize that instead of trying to rush into pointless action sequences that have nothing to do with the plot, it creates atmosphere and a moodiness that is truly frightening. The story is mesmerizing, tightly constructed, well developed, and free of illogical twists. Over 30 years later, its simplicity and effectiveness are still as strong as its original release.
The Taint doesn’t fuck around; it grabs your attention with some titties and gets straight to the fucking point! Within the first seven minutes, just about every type of bodily fluid spews, gushes, and squirts all over the place. It is seriously hard to review this film without giving away spoilers. There may not be much of a plot to spoil but how do you talk about this movie without bringing up zombie-like misogynists running around with giant raging hardons…