The Astrologer

The Astrologer

I don't really use the Watchlist feature on here, but this was one of 8 movies that I put on there years ago and I've been keeping an eye out for, because it's a notoriously hard to see weird vanity project cult movie, and ... well, when somebody uploaded it to YouTube this morning, I jumped on it, and it lives up to the reputation.

A bizarre and chaotic self-aggrandizing history of how the movie you are watching got made while the writer-director-star was becoming the king of an astrology empire and smuggling gems out of Kenya, and that's a generously cohesive summary of the movie.

I can't decide if my favorite part was when

- we are treated to a montage of (completely average-looking and non-muscular) shirtless Craig cleaning his boat while we listen to an entire Moody Blues song and eventually this montage includes pages and pages of a calendar being ripped down, implying he was cleaning his boat for possibly years?


- when he goes to rescue his wife who has fallen into A Disreputable Life, which we figure out because she is in a crappy apartment lit entirely with red lights and she has written the following three phrases in (very neat!) lipstick on her mirror: "God is dead", "Hell on Earth", and "Shit on Life".

The specific "drunk waiter on roller-skates carrying three trays" balance of talent and and inventiveness and narrative cluelessness makes something like this DELICIOUS to me, and this has it in spades. Would love to watch this in a rowdy crowd someday.