People like Steve Grzesiak have my undying respect for being able to critique this film in a cogent way, because I can't do it. Not rationally, at least. I'll say that Vertigo isn't my favorite Hitchcock movie, but that's because declaring something to be one's favorite requires a comparison between two or more similar things. Vertigo is truly incomparable to anything else, and calling it my favorite Hitchcock film would be like declaring my favorite color to be "the subatomic energy fluctuations that make the entire visible spectrum possible." Not to mince words or anything, but Vertigo isn't just a movie - it's a full-blown monument to human achievement. Attempting to review it would be like attempting to review the Apollo moon landing.

So I'll just take a pass on the whole endeavor, thank you very much. Instead, I'll just sit here and stare into the spiral galaxy of Kim Novak's hair forever.