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  • Black Panther

    Black Panther

    ★★★★

    A wealthy 3rd-world-country feline king, on respite from his privileged living conditions, teams up with Bilbo Baggins of the Shire to wage war against the embodiment of all the racial and economical injustices of the world (which has taken the shape of a brutally handsome long lost relative with an incurable case of progressive chest warts).

  • Unbreakable

    Unbreakable

    ★★★★

    If superheroes are real, I bet they are this messy and complicated. Also, I bet their video shots are this creative. And I bet they are married to Princess Buttercup.

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  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★½

    I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

  • Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

    Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

    ★★½

    The puss 'n boots guy was kind of a downer and Katniss was annoyingly uninteresting. I enjoyed the clever robot. Otherwise, I guess now we know how they got the thing to explodinate the giant killer pew pew ball the CGI creepy man was living in. Also, the eyebrows on CGI princess hair buns still kinda weirds me out.