• Only God Forgives

    Only God Forgives

    ★★

    this film was apparently meant to counter and contrast director and writer nicolas winding refn's drive. you can see as much in the visceral gore and bloodshed leftover from brutal killings and fights as, unlike drive, we rarely see the actual act, the aftermath instead its tease. another contrast you might notice is in the writing itself, as only god forgives is indeed directed and written by refn--but drive is not. and it shows. it painfully, painfully shows.

    "we'll find them............................................ and we'll kill them"

    jesus christ.

  • Luck

    Luck

    considering how painfully pathetic every lifeless scene and line whimpering passes and goes, those who worked on luck should consider themselves lucky they weren't driven to suicide.

  • One Cut of the Dead

    One Cut of the Dead

    ★★★★

    i'm really impressed by not only one cut of the dead's ability to disguise such a meta-meta-narrative the way it does, but by making it a rewarding experience continually versus a cheap m night sham the village tier type of trick. in other words: one cut isn't obnoxious at all (besides its generic ost i'm pretty sure is plucked straight from imovie's free sample libraries). and it's hard to not be obnoxious filming this type of film, christ, 'cause it's…

  • The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

    The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

    ½

    a sudden thought hit me recently--when was the last time anyone in my life had ever, in any way shape or form, brought up the chronicles of narnia? a piece of fanart, a meme, a write up--anything at all? and i couldn't date the concept at all--i think if you brought this movie up to most people, they'd either go "oh, i think i remember seeing that when i was younger" or, more likely, "the chronicles of what?". and that's…

  • Nerdland

    Nerdland

    ★★½

    captivating animation? check.
    dynamic angles? check.
    solid voice acting? check.
    killer soundtrack? check.
    occasional visual gag? check.
    completely worthless script not even remotely funny nor as interesting and introspective as it thinks it is? ... check...

    it breaks my heart. i desperately wanted to like this. desperately. it's animated so beautifully well, portraying california in such a gritty, lived in hellscape. so many faces are--oh my god, the sex doll fucker has such a great character design. but man, it's…

  • Love, Death & Robots: Kill Team Kill

    Love, Death & Robots: Kill Team Kill

    i have the feeling that philip gelatt is aware of criticism towards love death and reddit for its overuse of vulgarity to the point of ridiculousness, as if characters are written by a child's idea of adult speech. i have another feeling that kill team kill is a response to such criticism, wherein gelato doubles down like a temper tantrum throwing toddler and writes a 'fuck' and 'shit' into every other line, if not just every line altogether. this flows…

  • Love, Death & Robots: Jibaro

    Love, Death & Robots: Jibaro

    ★★★★½

    absolutely intoxicating, and perhaps infuriating while we're at it because we see, once again, that love death and robots could truly be a special series if it wasn't the cucked space dandy that it is, forcing animation teams to work with scripts butchered to shit and back by professional manchild writer philip gelatt and manchild enabler tim miller.

    in jibaro, alberto mielgo tells a multilayered story of conquistador conquest and plain straight human greed enhanced through the medium of sound…

  • Love, Death & Robots: Mason's Rats

    Love, Death & Robots: Mason's Rats

    ★★½

    unfortunately very clumsily written, which is made worse when all the puzzle pieces are right there. exaggerated faces, an interesting narrative hook, a bit of comedy and gore, and a change of heart... but none of these things are utilized well at all--half baked. of the many terrible scripts adapted by love death and bots, this one might've needed revision the most (considering it's actually worth salvaging)

  • Love, Death & Robots: In Vaulted Halls Entombed

    Love, Death & Robots: In Vaulted Halls Entombed

    ½

    opened with a generic military squad animated with generic video game cutscene cgi and the first line philip gelatt writes for the protagonist is "fuckers". yeah, just went ahead and tapped out right there and then.

  • Love, Death & Robots: Swarm

    Love, Death & Robots: Swarm

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    >doctor, i am a human with comically evil intentions
    >okay i will call you out on this
    >doctor, i definitely have bad plans for these species
    >yes i will rebuke this too
    >want to help? promise i won't hurt them
    >yeah okay

    bravo philip gelatt.

    >start the short with unnecessary, pointless worldbuilding
    >lead with a long length of exposition
    >completely obliterate the pacing and devolve the entire short into philosophical sludge
    >it just ends

    bravo tim miller

  • Love, Death & Robots: Night of the Mini Dead

    Love, Death & Robots: Night of the Mini Dead

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    ohhh man this one was so close. a zombie apocalypse told through the perspective of tilt shifting? awesome idea. making dialogue mostly incomprehensible? also great idea, because the best way to mask bad writing is to hide the ability to discern it at all. having what dialogue we CAN hear be awful and childish? not a great idea. fart joke conclusion? that's hilarious, guys, how many upvotes you think discussion of that one got?

  • Love, Death & Robots: The Very Pulse of the Machine

    Love, Death & Robots: The Very Pulse of the Machine

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i would've absolutely forgiven this elongated, hamfisted deus ex machina of a narrative featuring barely characters if, towards the very end, the protagonist's dive into moonrock acid cut away from all the dazzling colors and joy to a normal shot of the planet, the protag hitting the surface sizzling like an opened can of vanilla coke, bubbling, still waters, then end film... the rest left up to viewer interpretation.

    i mean, i feel like that's a pretty good compromise for…