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  • The Monster Squad

    The Monster Squad

    ★★★★½

    If Universal knew what was good for them, they'd do everything in their power to make sure the upcoming Wolfman movie of their new "Dark Universe" Monsters Legacy film world includes the line "WOLFMAN'S GOT NARDS!!!" as Wolfman gets kicked in the, well, nards by a 12-year-old.

  • The Big Shave

    The Big Shave

    ★★★★

    Aww man, this makes me never want to shave ever again.

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  • Hook

    Hook

    ★★★★½

    One of those rare cinematic curiosities where you can tell instantly how old someone was when they first saw the film based upon their reaction to it today.

    It goes like this: almost without exception, those who first saw Hook as an adult will—by virtue of being a horrible grown-up—completely and utterly loathe the film, detesting everything it represents about cinema today. They will deride Hook as bloated and indulgent; treacly Spielbergian sentimentality run amuck; and, worst of all—*gasp*—totally made-up,…

  • Man of Steel

    Man of Steel

    ½

    Ah, the summer movie season... *BUILDING SMASH*

    There's noth-*COLLAPSING TOWER*-ing quite *SMASH* like the *CAR HURLING TOWARD US* good old *ENTIRE SKYSCRAPER FLOOR WIPED OUT* Hollywood *BAD GUYS DECIMATES 7-ELEVEN* summer *MASSIVE GAS-FUELED FIRE ERUPTION* blockbuster *EXPLOSION* treatment *EVEN BIGGER EXPLOSION* to make you apprec-*FALLING BUILDING WAY TOO CLOSE TO OUR HERO'S GIRLFRIEND FOR COMFORT*-iate a fant-*FIREBALL*-astic *CAR SMASH* story *EXPLOSION* like *MINI-EXPLOSION* Super-*HERO SAVES INNOCENT BYSTANDER JUST IN TIME*-man. It's great, *HERO THROWN THROUGH THREE BUILDINGS* isn't it?

    *AWKWARD,…