Danny Webster’s review published on Letterboxd:
Otherwise known as Harry Potter and his horny friends. I know there was always the idea that Harry and his pals had love interests but this one they're all running around trying to fuck each other. Harry wants to have sex with Ginny, she wants to have sex with someone, someone wants to have sex with Hermione, everyone watching wants to have sex with Hermione, Ron wants to have sex with Hermione, Lavender wants to have sex with Ron, Ron wants to have sex with Lavender, Ron doesn't want to have sex with Lavender, Ron wants to have sex with Romilda Vane, Romilda Vane wants to have sex with Harry, Harry wants to have sex with Romilda Vane, Harry doesn't want Ron to want to have sex with Romilda Vane, Hermione wants to have sex with Ron, Ron gives permission to Harry to have sex with Ginny, Ginny doesn't need it because she's her own woman, Hermione knew about this all along and then something about some Quidditch keeper wanting to have sex with Hermione but he's awful so she invites him to dinner to make Ron jealous although I'm pretty sure Ron didn't go and then Harry takes Luna Lovegood although she has no idea what's going on. And then we find out that Malfoy wants to have sex with Dumbledore.
For all the desires to have sex in this film, apparently something else is going on and that something else is Dumbledore sneaking out of Hogwarts days at a time to hunt down something but we don't know that until near the end when Hagrid and the new teacher Slughorn attend some giant fuckers funeral. He was a good arachnid. He was the king of the arachnids.
Oh and I forgot. There's some dude called the Half-Blood Prince whose written some notes in an alchemy book or something like that. This Half-Blood Prince dude is a genius and teaches Harry some new spells and how to be good at the lesson or something like that. Also, Ron becomes more involved with Quidditch and Harry and co. help him gain confidence so he can try and achieve his desires to have sex with pretty much everyone.
Supposedly we are also supposed to be learning about Tom Riddle's past but we don't really learn much other than that he's a manipulative and punchable bastard. This one does supposedly dive deeper into the darker depths of the Harry Potter universe with the introduction of those jumpy zombie inferi things. Also there's a point in which Harry get suspicious of Malfoy and thinks he's up to something evil and mischievous but doesn't get the OBVIOUS hints.
Radcliffe does prove he has a timing for comedy here though and maybe that's his best bet in terms of where his career should head. Honestly he's not a terribly good actor but he does certainly have some talent for comedy. I guess. Same with Ron as long as just says "Bloody hell" a lot. All Hermione has to do is get naked and I'm pretty sure men (and women!) all over the world will buy a ticket to see her films.
I've read the book like 3 times and there's always a point where I just feel like skipping a chapter or two because it does generally get tedious.. maybe because I'm less interested in how Ron's snog-life is doing and more interested in whether or not Luna Lovegood did actually find a nargle.
Who in their right mind finds Ginny more interesting than Luna Lovegood.. fuck you Harry you shallow piece of wizard shit.