Rampage ★½

It can be misleading to call a movie “critic-proof.” When this critic humbly concedes that “Rampage” is critic-proof, it’s not because the Rock could open a movie with a Rotten Tomatoes score of negative 12% and still cook up a small fortune. No, “Rampage” is only critic-proof because it’s one of the few studio films in recent history that’s too hollow to support any critical thought. Trying to say anything of substance about this standard-issue spectacle is like mounting a flat-screen TV on a shower curtain.

Reuniting the dream team that brought you “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island” and “San Andreas” (the only 9.6 degree earthquake that anyone has ever slept through), “Rampage” isn’t bad so much as it’s barely even there. It’s the placebo version of the glorious drug that Warner Bros concocted with 2014’s “Godzilla,” the majesty and grace of which the studio has been trying — and failing — to replicate across a half-dozen monster movies over the last four years. It’s an empty golem of multiplex entertainment so bland it will make you beg for Michael Bay to direct the sequel. This is one of those rare times when a toxic personality would’ve been preferable to not having one at all.