Avengers: Endgame ★★★★

a list of nonsense i wrote while watching AVENGERS: ENDGAME on a plane:

• Gotta admit, I think I was way harsh on this movie coming off Infinity War! Second time around, the one-liners feel much less grating and you can tell how astoundingly well-plotted this thing is– like, yes, dug, it’s the culmination of 22 movies, but this time I really felt like I could see all the breadcrumbs they had been laying throughout other films and how they meticulously met here, instead of just feeling like they just happened to write something that worked with the universe they’d already set up. Good going, Markus & McFeely. (Attorneys at law.)

• I love this movie so much more when I think of it as Captain America’s story ending and not Iron Man’s story ending. (Sorry! I still don't like Iron Man!)

• Feels like this movie is 3 hours long because the ending works best if you forget that they tried to prep you to mourn the same person 2 hours and 45 minutes before.

• Ken Jeong’s cameo is... SO weird. Two shots, zero lines, a very-fake mustache? Almost certain some scenes were cut but dang, that's an expensive cut.

• The scene of Scott Lang trying to eat a taco literally feels like it's one logo away from being a Taco Bell commercial. Like, I'd fully believe that they shot it as a commercial and then the deal fell through and the Russos were like "That was a freebie."

• Stan Lee in the 70s with a mustache looks like Marc Maron.

• Examining the time travel ‘logic’ of any movie is a waste of time and you will always inevitably come up against either a situation (either invented or in the film) in which the rules “should” work differently or an endlessly complex sequence that tries so hard to tighten the logic that it’s stripped of all fun. That said– the time travel in this movie is really fun! The big ass nerd in me wants to go “why didn’t they just do X instead” but we won’t be hearing from him I shoved his ass in a locker and stole his lunch money.

• Truly excited to see what a Black Widow movie looks like after Endgame. Like I know it’s a prequel set between Civil War & Infinity War, but I can’t imagine her solo movie ignores the fact that we’ve got an ending to her story- at least in tone, or a single sequence or something.

• The biggest laugh in the movie, and maybe even the entire MCU, is still the extremely jarring moment that Jeremy Renner’s end credit appears.

• I am never gonna not be upset that I didn't get to see this with a nutso crowd opening day in the US. I went opening day, but I was in New Zealand, and the crowd was a lot more tempered about their reactions– which is great and I love it! But I vividly remember enjoying the absolute off-the-wall fervor of the crowd when I saw Infinity War, even though I didn't like the movie as much. I wish I could've felt that same thing for Endgame. Just a room of excited people feeling the pure joy and fantastical wonder of a movie they're really really connecting with. That's the power of theater!! Even the cynic in me can't touch that rush– ya gotta love it, baby!

• Marvel, if you’re reading this- look, the Blade movie’s been officially announced now... lemme write it. Again, I will not be looking up who Blade is or what he does. He owns a barbershop now.

• I will also accept the role of writing that Moon Knight series. He too owns a barbershop now. Could be the same one, could be a different one– only way you find out is by sending me an email, fellas ;)

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