Skyfall

Skyfall

i don't like to smoke weed when i watch movies because they will always always always seem ridiculous or bad to me through a high lens. knowing this, i still smoked weed before watching skyfall last night. and now i can never un-realize how profoundly silly james bond is. just an extremely silly, silly concept. he's just... a sneaky man. we love the sneaky man. if you watch a bond movie and think about the power dynamics of who's "winning" at any given time, it's just the person or team who's managing to be the sneakiest. the cultural epitome of masculine cool is The Sneaky Man.

bond movies seem to be the most well-received when they're about grappling with who Bond is himself and not just doing a case with the twist of *gasp* the case is about him. Skyfall manages to do this while also being made for a world absolutely gripped by the fear of domestic terrorism– but it's still extremely goofy. almost every spoken line of the second half is a one-liner. despite this, we take it all very seriously. every few months we reignite the discourse of who could possibly be the next james bond. everybody puts forth the idea of a couple extremely famous guys we all already recognize from other popular things. everyone rallies around the same one or two black guys. some random person says "maybe a lady" and then we all gotta pretend like it's a massive cultural push to feminize "our last great model of masculinity" or whatever. the internet becomes absolutely rapt with a political conversation about what it takes to properly uphold the values of The Sneaky Man.

my prediction is that the next James Bond will be a liiiiittle goofy. not in an overbearing way. but less "cool." still smart and knowledgeable and charming and all that, but not so obsessed with being the coolest guy in the room. less high status, but comfortable. it'll be a bit stylized and fun and not super aggressive and everybody will argue about it. some people will complain that it's the "Marvelization" of James Bond (exhausting) and others will complain that the libs forced James Bond to be less of a man or whatever (ditto.) (I think there are directors who could do this very well and make a well-received Bond but I will never name them publicly. I would be laughed to the fucking moon.) this will continue for a month and be reignited every few years as they continue the franchise with the new Bond actor, and at the center of this conversation will be that Emotions Are Running High Because They Changed The Sneaky Man.

very very silly movies. i love them.

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