Expected so much more. Lacking any kind of story or fable or magic or anything. Had potential to be something like Pan's Labyrinth, but just ended up as "here's some sad stuff being sad and an Ent and Sigourney Weaver for some reason".
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
— What an inconsequential mess. A dense quiche of a film.
— It could all be resolved if the characters just had a conversation, or maybe didn't make huge decisions based on a poorly printed fax.
— You know those overstuffed and beige ensemble films like New Year's Eve and Valentines Day? It's basically one of those.
— Remember how much fun the first Captain America film was? Yeah, we're a long way from there now. Dour is…
There's a car Pope? How does that work? Was there a car Jesus? Was he even a car? Or a cart? How do you crucify a cart? Does the car Pope oppose the use of contraception? How do cars reproduce? Can cars only do it with similar models of car? What does a baby car look like? Why are there pavements? And seriously, there's a CAR POPE?