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  • Hereditary

    Hereditary

    ★★

    A whole lot of nothing. The trailer is a significantly better film than the film.

  • Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins

    ★★★★½

    It’s fantastic. Of course it’s fantastic. 

    Poppins may get her name on the poster, but amongst all the suffragetting, hunt-sabotaging, bank-collapsing, child-gaslighting fun, it’s easy to miss that Bert does most of the work here. Accent schmaccent, Dick Van Dyke is incredible. Boy can dance. 

    Plus the happy ending basically comes down to: Mr Banks is fired, convinces his children to play in the street and then gets a promotion after killing his boss. 

    Ooookay.

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  • Captain America: Civil War

    Captain America: Civil War

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Some thoughts:
    — What an inconsequential mess. A dense quiche of a film. 
    — It could all be resolved if the characters just had a conversation, or maybe didn't make huge decisions based on a poorly printed fax.
    — You know those overstuffed and beige ensemble films like New Year's Eve and Valentines Day? It's basically one of those. 
    — Remember how much fun the first Captain America film was? Yeah, we're a long way from there now. Dour is…

  • The Greatest Showman

    The Greatest Showman

    ★½

    Truly awful, but quite catchy. A bunch of X-Factor quarter-finalists singing uplifting, life-affirming songs about overcoming whatever hurdle appeared in the last thirty seconds. Such a weird tone, all victorious and air-punching, despite there being almost zero conflict in the first place. 

    Basically: what if Gary Barlow was a film?