Favorite films

  • Wings of Desire
  • Messiah of Evil
  • The Falls
  • In the Dark

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  • The Winds of Kitty Hawk

    ★★½

  • Mommie Dearest

    ★★★★★

  • The Northman

    ★★★½

  • Boxing Helena

    ★★★½

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  • Santa with Muscles

    Santa with Muscles

    At first I was glad because Hulk was going to save the orphans. But then I was disappointed because it wasn't even the good orphans, it was the leftover orphans no one wanted to adopt. I didn't want to adopt them, either. But then I was wrong again because they knew where the catacombs were.

  • The Draughtsman's Contract

    The Draughtsman's Contract

    [I sustain a spinal cord injury while rolling the R in "ribald," but recumbency increases the distance between the top of my head and the ceiling, permitting me a much greater volume of powdered wig. I am the toast of the season.]

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  • Vibes

    Vibes

    ★★★★★

    I'm grateful to live in a universe in which "psychic Indiana Jones with Jeff Goldblum and Cyndi Lauper" is an actual film that got produced and released and not just the final dream of a dying madman

  • Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic fans are reliably the most sexually deviant group of human beings in world history, so trying to dredge this sucker out of the uncanny valley seems like a move in the wrong direction. Give Sonic a vore fetish and dub some creepy subaudible frequencies over the soundtrack #myfivecents