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  • Baywatch

    Baywatch

    The way Hasselhoff's chesthair bobs and weaves in slow motion while he runs around like a fierce gazelle, protecting our beaches is not something that should be treated with disdain.

  • The Mummy

    The Mummy

    In which Tom Cruise defeats Seth the God of death (in this film that is, he's actually the God of chaos and storms but that doesn't sound cool) in two seconds solely on the basis that he's a 'good guy', after which he gets to kick the crap out of some CGI toilet paper.

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  • Frozen

    Frozen

    ★★★

    Daughter 1: Daddy, can we watch Frozen?

    Me: Sure thing, honey. Does your brother want to watch as well?

    Son: What's it about?

    Daughter 1: Oh it's about princesses and true love!

    Son - blank stare-

    Daughter: and there's a snow monster.

    Son: Let's roll.

    -movie finishes, Daughter 1 is blaring Let it Go at the top of her lungs-

    Me: What'd you think, buddy?

    -Son gives me a look-

    Me: C'mon, wasn't that bad was it?

    Son (these are…

  • Grown Ups 2

    Grown Ups 2

    ½

    $246,984,278 worldwide.

    Our species does not deserve to live.