DirkH’s review published on Letterboxd:
Shade 1: Drab
Shade 2: Dull
Shade 3: redeeming factor 1-The removal of some of the laughable dialogue of the novel
Shade 4: Tedious
Shade 5: Tiresome
Shade 6: Trite
Shade 7: Made me crave for Target shampoo so I could wash the Grey out of this shit.
Shade 8: Cheap
Shade 9: Unambitious
Shade 10: Po faced
Shade 11: Seriously lacking some 70s porn music
Shade 12: Seriously lacking any kind of music that's a fitting accompaniment to any sex scene.
Shade 13: Humdrum
Shade 14: Flacid
Shade 15: Limp
Shade 16: Redeeming factor 2 - Dakota Johnson
Shade 17: Devoid of character
Shade 18: Devoid of passion
Shade 19: Devoid of personality
Shade 20: Devoid of tension
Shade 21: Devoid of sexuality
Shade 22: This BDSM does not need a safe word
Shade 23: Sex dungeon: jeans obligatory
Shade 24: Conservative
Shade 25: Restrained
Shade 26: nr 25 should be a good thing in a movie about bondage. It isn't.
Shade 27: In rewriting the dialogue 'I'm fifty shades of fucked up' somehow still made the cut
Shade 28: Insipid
Shade 29: Dumdumbdumb
Shade 30: Unsavoury
Shade 31: Clinical
Shade 32: Mommy porn? Granny porn
Shade 33: A disservice to women
Shade 34: Romance free
Shade 35: Domination: frowny stares
Shade 36: Submission: Deer in headlights stares
Shade 37: Tame
Shade 38: Vapid
Shade 39: 50 grades of shite
Shade 40: The most BDSM aspect of this film is having to watch it.
Shade 41: If 40 means you can enjoy it on a meta level, all power to you
Shade 42: Puritan
Shade 43: Aesthetically colour blind
Shade 44: Mr. Grey? Mr. Beige, more like.
Shade 45: Those contract negotiations are some hot shit
Shade 46: 'I'm rich and you're not. I'm a guy and you're not. I'm a dominant and you're not. Now let me take your virginity while I gently whip you with my handmade jewel crusted whip.'
Shade 47: Booooooooooooriiiiiiiiinggggggggg
Shade 48: As arousing as watching people dry hump
Shade 49: Yeah, I'd turn to BDSM as well if my life had been that shitty.
Shade 50: I blame one person and that's that untalented scribbler James who has proven to be the true dominatrix in the production of this mess. Had she handed over the reigns to people with actual talent, this could have been something.