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  • A Cure for Wellness

    A Cure for Wellness

    ★★★

    Gore Verbinski continues his "They Gave Him Money To Make THAT!?!?" trilogy started with bonkers cult classic The Lone Ranger with an equally ambitious attempt at crafting a modern Grimm-like fairy tale set in our cutthroat capitalistic society.

    A Cure For Wellness has all of the classic hallmarks of Gore's "They Gave Him Money To Make THAT!?!?" trilogy: it's inexplicably long (146 minutes!?!?), technically immaculate, tonally bonkers and it completely bombed in theatres because, well, why wouldn't it? It was…

  • John Wick: Chapter 2

    John Wick: Chapter 2

    ★★★★★

    You get car karate, a fistfight while falling down three flights of stairs, a cameo appearance by the infamous pencil, literally everyone in the world trying to kill John Wick and Laurence Fishburne shouting that he wants to go to Applebees. Put this movie on display in a museum.

  • Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

    Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

    If the first Jack Reacher was an episode of a hitchhiker-helps-strangers 70s TV show, Never Go Back is a 10th season episode of JAG.

  • War on Everyone

    War on Everyone

    ★½

    An overwritten one-note joke stretched out unbearably over 90 minutes.

  • Split

    Split

    ★★★★★

    M. Night has returned from the darkness to reclaim his empire of schlock.

  • Live by Night

    Live by Night

    ★★

    There were some cool hats*.

    Please feel free to use that as a pull quote for the poster if any PR people are reading this.





    * being worn in service of a sprawling mess of a movie which feels like a 10-hour miniseries that was gutted into a 129-minute montage.

  • The Autopsy of Jane Doe

    The Autopsy of Jane Doe

    ★★½

    Would've worked better as a Halloween episode of Quincy.

  • Elle

    Elle

    ★★★★★

    I think it's very safe to say that Paul Verhoeven has not mellowed with age.

  • Our Kind of Traitor

    Our Kind of Traitor

    ★★★½

    Solid, unassuming adaptation of a solid, unassuming le Carré novel which tones down the bitter cynicism of the source material.

  • Jason Bourne

    Jason Bourne

    ★★

    BOURNE BREAKS THE ARM OFF OF A SLOT MACHINE AND DOESN'T BEAT A SINGLE PERSON WITH IT.

  • Millions

    Millions

    ★★★★

    Given that it's the same stumbled-upon-stolen-money plot as Shallow Grave, it's a shame they didn't throw in a homage where the kids put a toy power drill into someone's forehead.

  • A Life Less Ordinary

    A Life Less Ordinary

    ★★★★

    A movie so ahead of its time that there will never actually be a time when it makes sense to anyone but Danny Boyle. It's an unfiltered look into his thought process which somehow sees bloody gunfights, metaphorical game shows, musical numbers and a claymation Maury Chaykin as rational ideas which can coexist together. This is a romantic comedy in which, within the first 15 minutes, the two romantic leads have both shot someone. It is a cult classic too strange to even have a cult form around it.