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  • Alien: Covenant

    Alien: Covenant

    ★★★★★

    Ridley Scott's perversion of the Alien franchise into a deeply depraved fairy tale continues with Covenant, a film that doubles down so hard on the themes of Prometheus that it flips the table over and it falls on and crushes the audience.

    A blockbuster so bleak and grotesque that its nihilism is played off as a sick punchline. Not even John Denver is safe from its corruption.

  • King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

    King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

    ★★★

    A bonkers combination of sword and sorcery silliness (complete with sea witches, giant elephants with wrecking ball trunks, tree people and mega-snakes) and Guy Ritchie's quirky montage and speed-ramped action aesthetic.

    Not quite the fantasy genre's equivalent of The Lone Ranger but it's in the ballpark.

  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★½

    James Gunn moulding an entire massive blockbuster around his old buddy Michael Rooker might be a sweeter example of fatherly figure appreciation than what's actually in the movie.

  • Sandy Wexler

    Sandy Wexler

    ★★½

    There are brief flashes of classic Sandler absurdity including a completely bonkers bit over the end credits featuring Mike Judge crank calling the character of Sandy Wexler as Beavis and Butt-Head.

  • Free Fire

    Free Fire

    ★★★★½

    A hyper-absurd fetishization of guns to the point that you can't believe these ridiculous things actually exist in the real world and weren't invented solely for action movies.

  • The Fate of the Furious

    The Fate of the Furious

    ★★★★

    In a just world, Jason Statham would receive a best supporting actor nomination for this (although he would obviously lose to Tyrese Gibson who would also be nominated for the definitive Roman performance).

    This is a near-perfect blend of macho soap opera, thrilling action and live-action Looney Tunes cartoon. Vin Diesel brings some legitimate emotional weight to some very silly material, F. Gary Gray continually ups himself with each new set piece and the pace never slows enough to let…

  • Bad Santa 2

    Bad Santa 2

    ★½

    The original Bad Santa was directed by Terry Zwigoff and featured an uncredited rewrite by the Coen Brothers.

    Bad Santa 2 was produced by Entourage creator Doug Ellin who worked on the original draft of the script before it was rewritten.

    A bit of a difference in the talent behind the camera.

  • A Cure for Wellness

    A Cure for Wellness

    ★★★

    Gore Verbinski continues his "They Gave Him Money To Make THAT!?!?" trilogy started with bonkers cult classic The Lone Ranger with an equally ambitious attempt at crafting a modern Grimm-like fairy tale set in our cutthroat capitalistic society.

    A Cure For Wellness has all of the classic hallmarks of Gore's "They Gave Him Money To Make THAT!?!?" trilogy: it's inexplicably long (146 minutes!?!?), technically immaculate, tonally bonkers and it completely bombed in theatres because, well, why wouldn't it? It was…

  • John Wick: Chapter 2

    John Wick: Chapter 2

    ★★★★★

    You get car karate, a fistfight while falling down three flights of stairs, a cameo appearance by the infamous pencil, literally everyone in the world trying to kill John Wick and Laurence Fishburne shouting that he wants to go to Applebees. Put this movie on display in a museum.

  • Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

    Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

    If the first Jack Reacher was an episode of a hitchhiker-helps-strangers 70s TV show, Never Go Back is a 10th season episode of JAG.

  • War on Everyone

    War on Everyone

    ★½

    An overwritten one-note joke stretched out unbearably over 90 minutes.

  • Split

    Split

    ★★★★★

    M. Night has returned from the darkness to reclaim his empire of schlock.