Ritual ★★★★★

The films theme of escapism is something I've come to relate to alot in this film. Like the female protagonist i also find myself wanting to escape a dreary reality. Movies, social media, Fantasizing, day dreaming, and Lucid dreaming especially are forms of escapism for me. Most people from what I've seen agree that social media is toxic and unhealthy which is somewhat true but for me it's also a way i can communicate with so many people who like what i like, and are like me. I use it as a gateway to distract myself from daily life and avoid thinking about things that cause me alot of anxiety and stress like school, family drama, and my gender dysphoria. I also use lucid dreaming as a way to escape and create my own reality and do or see whatever i want. Some of these dreams only last a few minutes to a few seconds but it fills me with joy knowing i might be able to extend my time in that world doing whatever i want to make me happy. I sometimes get stressed because my dream recall or lucidity isn't the best but i sometimes get small sparks of motivation to keep trying and improve upon this skill, thus helping me distance myself from this bleak reality we are living.

I also always tend to fantasize or day dream scenarios on a daily basis, especially now since we are now in a quarantine and i have to stay home most of the time doing absolutely nothing. Movies are another way i love spending my time, whether it's a really good movie or a So-bad-its-good movie i love watching them and with friends. I don't care if I've watched a film a million times, if i watch it with another person who hasn't seen it, it's a really fun time. Including this one. I really love how this film not only portrays this theme, but depression and loneliness in such a creative, beautiful, and artistic way. It feels personal and I'm glad it resonated with me in some way. I hope more films that deal with similar subject matter's like this do things creatively as this.

I wrote this review awhile ago on my notepad app but i wanted to refresh my mind by rewatching the film a 5th time. The scene with the mother and 'She' at the end is probably going to be one of my favorite scenes from a movie of all time. Beautifully shot, acted, very emotional and all in one shot. It felt completely real and it while it didn't make me completely cry it hit me to my core. It reminded me of the time when i came out to my mom as gay (not knowing i was actually trans) ironically next to a closed chick-fil-a at the mall. Also all the other times we'd argue and fight to the point of me crying. I saw myself as the female protagonist in that one scene. I wouldn't call this film completely flawless but the experience and overall impact this had on me makes it automatically a favorite of mine. I hope one day I'll move out and transition to relieve myself from most of the stressful things that cause me to hurt myself or cry uncontrollably. I also really hope more of you check this out because it's an experience worth having. It's films like this that make me appreciate it as an Art form. I haven't seen evangelion just yet but i hope i enjoy it as much as this. Thanks for reading!

"Tommarow is my birthday" :)

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