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  • Jupiter Ascending

    Jupiter Ascending

    ★★★★★

    I saw this opening day with some SoCal bros sitting in the row behind me who whined when the previews ended because there wasn't a trailer for Batman V. Superman. When Jupiter Ascending was fully underway in all it's unabashed, dogboy-loving glory, those guys were having an extremely intense crisis, loudly muttering DUUUDE WHAT THE FUUUCK IS THIS MOVIEEE.

    That's how I know Jupiter Ascending is good.

  • The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

    The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

    ★★

    Before you even see two directors credited in the end titles, you can tell Snow White and the 40 Thieves was fucked with via extensive reshoots and editing, not unlike Justice League, Suicide Squad, or that one Terminator movie where you only see Terry Crews as a corpse.

    The best parts are Keira Knightly's really fun performance as the regent of the Sugar Plum fairies or whatever, and the entire backstory of Christmasland being delivered via a ballet performance.

    Otherwise,…