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Pinned reviews

  • The Florida Project

    The Florida Project


    I love Willem Dafoe with all my heart. He looks like he has, at some point in his life, eaten a person whole.

  • Eighth Grade

    Eighth Grade


    When I was in eighth grade I had hair down past my shoulders and was in love with a Croatian boy the year below me who then moved schools and I never saw him again. Make a movie out of that Burnham you coward.

Recent reviews

  • Taken 2

    Taken 2


    We, as a society, need to stop letting a man who changed his surname to 'Megaton' make films that I have to watch.

  • Only God Forgives

    Only God Forgives


    Ryan Gosling's face is made of aged, hand-crafted porcelain which is why it both never moves and looks so fine.

Popular reviews

  • Léon: The Professional

    Léon: The Professional


    I was intensely worried throughout for the wellbeing of his plant.

  • The Nun

    The Nun


    Just to be safe I'm going to instantly punch every nun I see in the face from now on. And I'm Irish so I see a hell of a lot of nuns.