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  • 13 Assassins

    13 Assassins

    ★★★★★

    A masterpiece by veteran director Takashi Miike, 13 Assassins is a brutal, harrowing recollection of classic samurai cinema.

    Ichi The Killer is my favorite film of all time, and i’d just as easily consider Miike my favorite director. He brings a unique charisma and style to his films and is perhaps the most prolific director alive, with over 100 films under his belt. In this instance, all of his strengths are on display, feeling like a culmination of everything that…

  • Ichi the Killer

    Ichi the Killer

    ★★★★★

    This is no joke the best thing I’ve ever seen. I saw this when I was 12 or 13, and I was repulsed and bored. 
    But now, as an adult, this is the most twisted and dark comedic film I’ve ever seen. The gore is fantastic, the torture scenes are absolutely cringe inducing but also manage to be funny. I was a bit ashamed at how funny I found some parts of this movie, in a way that made me…

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  • The Nightingale

    The Nightingale

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Snyder Cut this, Snyder Cut that

    How about the ‘Less Rape’ cut of The Nightingale? 


    This whole film is like getting hit over the head with a sledgehammer, and it could’ve been pure misery porn, but thankfully there are subtle moments of levity sprinkled between the onslaught of horrible events. The protagonists are very well written and acted, and their perspective arcs are great! 

    So thank you for that. 

    But still gunna have to dock it .5 stars for all of the rape scenes. The first two were very much enough. Shoulda stopped there. 


    Hell. Maybe even cut it down to one, Idk.

  • Mama

    Mama

    ★½

    If you close your eyes, this movie sounds like some poor guy is being thrown around an orchestra, smashing into instruments, having his face bashed in with a cello.

    This whole movie feels like some asshole said “Just slap Del Toro’s name on it and add some mystical fantasy music”. The worst part about this is that the ending really thought it was doing some Pan’s Labyrinth shit. I was sitting there like 😐

    This is essentially just a compilation…

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  • Irreversible

    Irreversible

    ★★★★★

    I never want to see this again.

    It’s perfect.

    But I never want to see it again. 

    That scene is one of, if not the absolute most horrific thing I’ve ever witnessed in cinema. 

    100/100

    I hate you.

  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    ★★★★★

    The cinematic equivalent of a slaughterhouse. 
    A viscious assault on the senses. 


    The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the epitome of horror. Gritty, brutal, and expertly crafted. The world of this film feels like a fever dream, smoldering and dry, with flies buzzing around its many decomposing animal carcasses. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre shows no sign of aging, it’s more visceral and intense than nearly any other to come before or after. It’s been said to death, but the lack of…