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  • Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

    Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

    ★★

    This is supposed to be the kind of thing I love: ultra low-budget, inventive, Canadian, swimming in bad taste, but I've seen it twice now and it just does nothing for me. A few fun gags, and some pleasantly shoddy fight scenes, but any goodwill from its title (this was 2001, before ironic titles were in fashion) is exhausted quickly. I know some people dig it, but it's not for me.

  • Heavy Metal Massacre

    Heavy Metal Massacre

    What if someone made a movie strictly to test out all the different effects on the video editing deck?

    Heavy Metal Massacre is about 20% movie, and 80% filler, and you can almost smell the hairspray fumes wafting off the screen. It's absolute garbage, but fascinating as a microcosm of a very silly subculture that inspired a surprising number of (mostly unwatchable) films.

    As thoroughly misguided vanity projects go, I've seen worse. Like David De Falco's CHAOS.

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  • The Artist

    The Artist

    ★★★

    It looks great. It - perhaps ironically - sounds great. The acting is fine, particularly from Jean Dujardin and Uggie the dog. But while the novelty of a modern silent film is fun (with all due respect to Mel Brooks SILENT MOVIE), it feels more like a stylistic exercise or a short film stretched to feature length rather than a complete work. It's so slight and breezy, and instantly forgettable.

  • Miami Connection

    Miami Connection

    ★★★★

    It's the same old story. A group of orphan Taekwondo experts form a synth-pop band and fight ninja drug dealers while fending off attacks from rival bands and celebrating peace and friendship. Yet, somehow this lost 80s oddity manages to add the element of EXTREME VIOLENCE just to give it that certain je ne sais quoi. Thank goodness this bizarre action picture was rescued from obscurity.