• We Own the Night

    We Own the Night

    ★★★

    “It's better to be judged by 12 than carried by six.”

    Nothing builds dramatic tension like a Swiffer WetJet ad every 25 minutes #thankshulu

  • Iris

    Iris

    ★★★

    The Father (2020), except instead of being incredible and featuring one of the greatest performances of all-time it’s perfectly average

  • The Bob's Burgers Movie

    The Bob's Burgers Movie

    ★★★

    If I had a nickel for every movie based off an animated Fox show that features a sinkhole as a central plot device, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it’s happened twice, right?

    I’ve only seen Bob’s Burgers here and there over the years and think it’s hit-and-miss, and the film is very much the same way (then again I hadn’t seen much Simpsons and I really liked that movie). There are a lot of…

  • A Few Good Men

    A Few Good Men

    ★★★★

    “Commander Galloway, why don't you get yourself a cup of coffee?”
    “Thank you, sir, I'm fine.”
    “…Commander, I'd like you to leave the room so we can talk about you behind your back.”
    “Certainly, sir.”

    Maybe if Amber Heard’s lawyers strenuously objected in court she wouldn’t be getting taken to the cleaners by Depp’s team rn…

    One of those movies that I’ve seen bits and pieces of on AMC through the years, but never watched cover-to-cover until now. Wish Cruise (and Nicholson) would return to “serious” movies like this…

  • Pineapple Express

    Pineapple Express

    ★★★★

    “He fucking killed him!”

    “Who killed who?”

    A cop, a lady, and a guy!”

    “A cop, a lady, and a guy, man? That's like a massacre. You saw it?”

    No, it was just a guy!”

    “What happened to the lady?”

  • Battleship

    Battleship

    ★★★

    You could look me dead in my eyes and tell me Michael Bay directed this movie, and I, knowing full-well Peter Berg directed this movie, would believe you.

    But ffs, a 2.1 average on here guys? Stop being so dramatic, it’s dumb fun. Y’all got some Battle-shit opinions sometimes, I swear…

  • Set It Up

    Set It Up

    ★★★½

    A romcom? Set in NYC? Actually filmed in NYC? And Zoey Deutch?

    Yeah, Netflix made some good choices (for once).

  • Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

    Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

    ★★★★

    Who Framed the Space Jam of Massive Talent in the Multiverse of Madness? (2022)

    Everything about Chip ‘n Dale (besides a slightly awkward pace) works. It’s a movie that knows it’s a movie, and is more than aware it could never be the classic films it’s paying homage to. It’s irrelevant as only the Lonely Island can be, and has some truly inspired meta moment. Take notes Warner Bros: this is how you make an IP-driven kids(?) reboot.

    Also, Disney’s lawyers must be incredible that they got away including Nickelodeon, South Park, and a half-dozen WB properties.

  • Plus One

    Plus One

    ★★★½

    “Why do you always say her first and last name like she’s some sort of serial killer?”
    ”Cuz she’s a firsty-lasty. Same thing with me, I’m ‘Ben King.’ You’re just jealous cuz you’re not a firsty-lasty. aLiCe MoRi.”

    Finally, a film that recognizes us who get called by both our first and last name; we are not seen enough in modern cinema!

  • The Incredibles

    The Incredibles

    ★★★★

    Nothing kids like more in their animated movies than suicide attempts, domestic disputes, financial claim fraud, civil lawsuits, and straight-up cold-blooded murder!

  • Marmaduke

    Marmaduke

    ½

    Congrats, Kim Kardashian: you are officially now the second dumbest thing Pete Davidson has been in this year.

    Whoever animated this uncanny valley nightmare clearly grew up with a fetish for the mom on Dexter’s Laboratory and has decided to make it every viewer’s problem. I have literally never wanted to kill myself more than I do right now.

  • Maid in Manhattan

    Maid in Manhattan

    ★★

    I honestly spent the first half of this movie waiting for Matthew McConaughey to show up before I realized I was thinking of The Wedding Planner