• Knucklebones

    Knucklebones

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    SHE USED HER OWN KNUCKLEBONES HAHAHAHA

  • Prey

    Prey

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The origin story of the Predator in the world of the Comanche Nation 300 years ago. Naru, a "skilled" female warrior, fights to protect her tribe against one of the first highly-evolved Predators to land on Earth.
    (LOL IMDb's synopsis including quotation marks around skilled.)
    I initially really liked this movie, but only after I had watched the whole thing.
    During viewing I paused it to get a snack and realized it was 30 minutes in and nothing had really…

  • Whitney Cummings: Jokes

    Whitney Cummings: Jokes

    Oh baby, what are you doing?
    Whitney is a beautiful and funny gal, but in this special I was left bemused.
    The "back in my day" jokes work for a very select slice of her audience. Unfortunately it was pretty much that "Boomer/Gen X" meme that makes it's rounds on Facebook about being raised tough.
    It's a great example of a pretty white girl telling tone deaf jokes.
    The other subject was sex. And to be fair a whole lot…

  • The Wretched

    The Wretched

    A defiant teenage boy, struggling with his parents' imminent divorce, faces off with a thousand year-old witch, who is living beneath the skin of and posing as the woman next door.
    This was really much better than I thought it should be. It brought the witch in the woods genre into The Burbs and Fright Night territory in a suspenseful way that didn't pull any punches with disturbing imagery, particularly killing off young children.
    Yeah there was some hokum, and…

  • The Privilege

    The Privilege

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "What if this is our last night alive?"
    Cue teenage threesome.
    I tried really hard to follow all of the elements of the plot, and I think I MOSTLY understood what was going on. It switched genres so often that it was hard to pin down what type of film this wanted to be.
    It began strong in the paranormal horror vein, but with each new turn it got more bogged down. Fairly early on I was reminded of Get…

  • A Classic Horror Story

    A Classic Horror Story

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Billing ITSELF as Midsommar meets Cabin in the Woods, this film pretty well fails on it's title. It is no classic.
    Five carpoolers travel in a motorhome to reach a common destination. Night falls, and to avoid a dead animal carcass, they crash into a tree. When they come to their senses, they find themselves in the middle of nowhere. The road they were traveling on has disappeared and there is only a dense, impenetrable forest and a wooden house…

  • Paradise Hills

    Paradise Hills

    Uma is a young woman who wakes up in an apparently idyllic reform school for young ladies. But a dark secret lies within its walls.
    This was visually beautiful and initially intriguing. The parallels to The Stepford Wives, The Labyrinth, Alice in Wonderland, and other classist fashion forward young adult fare (The Hunger Games, Never Let Me Go) are at once familiar and exciting. The homage to Nightmare on Elm Street's skipping rope scene foreshadows that this is not going…

  • The Old Ways

    The Old Ways

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Cristina, a journalist of Mexican origin, travels to her ancestral home in Veracruz to investigate a story of sorcery and healing. There, she is kidnapped by a group of locals who claim she's possessed by a demon and refuse to let her go until it is exorcised.
    This movie relies on cultural magic that I don't fully understand, which makes it all the more mystical to me. During the days long exorcism the visuals and symbolism are enough in themselves…

  • Splinter

    Splinter

    Trapped in an isolated gas station by a voracious Splinter parasite that transforms its still-living victims into deadly hosts, a young couple and an escaped convict must find a way to work together to survive this primal terror.
    This was a nice surprise!
    With only a handful of actors and a single location this movie combines excellent practical effects and dark humor to make this parasitic siege horror come to life. It never took itself too seriously and delivered on the gore-hound fun.

    IMDb and Wiki pages:

    www.imdb.com/title/tt1031280/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splinter_(2008_film)

  • The Night House

    The Night House

    A school teacher believes the house her late husband built is haunted after he takes his own life and she begins to have visions and paranormal experiences. As she investigates her husband's belongings for clues the truth gets stranger than she could have imagined and take her to the precipice of madness.
    The lead actress, as almost every critical review has said, is the glue that holds this film together. Her performance is unreal.
    The reveal is where the film…

  • Little Shop of Horrors

    Little Shop of Horrors

    This movie is flat out amazing. From the puppetry for the Audrey II to the sets, the music to the acting, everything is engaging, visually stunning, and FUN.
    Steve Martin and Bill Murray's scene is forever my favorite, but even then it's hard to say "favorite" when I love every part of this film so much.
    It's one of those movies you can watch over and over again. A charming horror comedy musical, which you just don't see enough of IMO.

    IMDb and Wiki pages:

    www.imdb.com/title/tt0091419/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Shop_of_Horrors_(film)

  • Rhys Darby: Mystic Time Bird

    Rhys Darby: Mystic Time Bird

    Cute, sometimes funny. The bird noises and sound effects weren't my favorite part, but I found him to be charming.

    IMDb page:

    www.imdb.com/title/tt15739776/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0