Space Jam: A New Legacy

Space Jam: A New Legacy

-Everyone is acting like this is the cinematic Holocaust, and while yes, it's not good, I'd just like to point out that we live in a world where Ready Player One and the first Space Jam exist, so like, yeah, what did you expect? I think this is the weakest of the movies mentioned, but honestly, it's just a lame hybrid. It sucks ass, but there's no corporate sellout garbage I haven't already seen before.
-Don Cheat-le.
-My sister works for the Miami Heat. That's right, she's on their advertising crew. Anyways, I see this movie as suiting punishment for LeBron betraying Miami. Very funny he left the Cavs twice, though.
-Runtime is ridiculous. Chop it in half, please.
-How many more times do I have to see the Iron Giant and King Kong get thrown in as pointless background characters in these soulless movies?
-Very disappointed that the WB characters are just chucked in everywhere and they don't even do anything other than act as background fodder.
-Very impressive how completely forgettable Lola Bunny was. Wow. Sad to see after she was my favorite character in Looney Tunes show (Kristen Wiig, I miss you).
-It is forever funny that the infamously ON SCREEN RAPIST Droogs from Clockwork Orange are in this but Pepé Le Pew was purged. Yes, I took the time to put the accent on the e, show respect for the dead. No one would have noticed if they didn't go out of their way to point it out though.
-Wile E. Coyote was the MVP, and that scene of him putting "Witness Me" on a sign for the Fury Road part earned a very small exhalation of breath from out my nose, but not laughter.
-How dare you give Daffy coach duty and little screentime.
-The 2D part was painful. The DC world shit was just awful. That's the part that was cinematic death more than anything else for me.
-Why do we need character arcs?! Can't we just have fun?
-Don Cheadle tries so hard and gives it his all, he honestly kept the movie afloat for me. Good job, man.
-*THAT* cameo was goddamn hilarious, plus one half star just for that.
-Oh fuck off with the Bugs Bunny deletion shit. We know he's not dead. No one cares. Fuck ooofffff. It's like Olaf's "death" in Frozen II, fuck OOOOOOOOFFFFFFF.
-Movie wraps up incredibly quickly one Al G. Rhythm is bested, thank the LORD.
-Why were Sarah Silverman and my boy Steven Yuen just thrown into this movie for 2 seconds? Whatever, it's Space Jam.
-Gabriel Iglesias as Speed Gonzales is great. Too bad he's got like 5 generic lines.
-I sat there watching the Rick and Morty reference and laughed, because I love that Justin Roiland is self-aware enough to be a shameless sellout and the gag gets funnier every time. Carl's Jr, Fortnite, Space Jam, it tracks, honestly, and it works.
-Speaking of Fortnite, very sad LeBron didn't do a Fortnite dance but eternally happy he dabbed.
-The Nerdlucks/Monstars appear in two shots for a second, and it's literally just footage from the first movie, that's how lazily they were thrown in. Speaking of which, very sad Danny DeVito wasn't back as their boss, and seeing a guy dressed as the Penguin from Batman Returns just kept reminding me of that.
-Bad idea to watch classic Looney Tunes, Looney Tunes Show, and HBO's New Looney Tunes and then transitioning to Space Jam.
-Say whatever you want about Space Jam 1. It sucks. But I do not joke when I say it has one of the dopest soundtracks in cinema, which I own on vinyl. That shit S L A P S. And not a single song beyond Pump Up the Jam (not an original song for Space Jam) appears. SHAME.
-This should have been called "Cyberspace Jam," right?
-This movie is bad, but what really hurt me was seeing a "Scoob!" poster and re-living that trauma.
-I take that back, what hurt me the MOST was seeing a goddamn Matrix reference in the year of our Lord 2021.
-I was gonna go watch Space Jam 1 after this, but I remembered there's "Teen Titans Go! See Space Jam," so I'll check that out instead.

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