Colonel Hogan!
What do you want?
They're all dead!
Dead Tom's dead?
That's why we call him Dead Tom!

I'm paraphrasing since I don't even know which way is up after this movie. I have so many questions. Why does he need to eat so desperately so soon? Why must he spit-wash the worm? Where did he get the caveman club prop? Why is everyone's best insult 'stupid bastards'? Is a grenade in the pants a euphemism? And last but not least, which mercenary said "let's put him in daisy dukes cause reasons"?

Mexico in the 70's was a scary place. Apparently monsters would rove in packs and wrestle anyone in sight.

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

It sure was nice of that shark to keep the ruins in such tidy shape until those girls had to come down there and wreck it.

It is so rare to find a movie that's so good it hurts. Especially in dramas or comedy. And even more so when it has a four hour runtime. That combo is basically impossible. Love Exposure is the impossible.

It's basically a Japanese Harry Potter. With Satanic rituals. And voodoo. And nudity. And beheadings. And gore. And lesbians.