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  • Deadly Prey

    Deadly Prey

    ★★★½

    Colonel Hogan!
    What do you want?
    They're all dead!
    Dead Tom's dead?
    That's why we call him Dead Tom!

    I'm paraphrasing since I don't even know which way is up after this movie. I have so many questions. Why does he need to eat so desperately so soon? Why must he spit-wash the worm? Where did he get the caveman club prop? Why is everyone's best insult 'stupid bastards'? Is a grenade in the pants a euphemism? And last but not least, which mercenary said "let's put him in daisy dukes cause reasons"?

  • Santo and Blue Demon Against the Monsters

    Santo and Blue Demon Against the Monsters

    ★★★½

    Mexico in the 70's was a scary place. Apparently monsters would rove in packs and wrestle anyone in sight.

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  • Mommy Group Murder

    Mommy Group Murder

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "She's just keeping me alive... to feed Billy"
    *dramatic music and zoom to breast pumps*

    Never stop being you, Lifetime.

  • 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

    47 Meters Down: Uncaged

    ★★★

    It sure was nice of that shark to keep the ruins in such tidy shape until those girls had to come down there and wreck it.

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  • Love Exposure

    Love Exposure

    ★★★★★

    It is so rare to find a movie that's so good it hurts. Especially in dramas or comedy. And even more so when it has a four hour runtime. That combo is basically impossible. Love Exposure is the impossible.

  • Eko Eko Azarak: Wizard of Darkness

    Eko Eko Azarak: Wizard of Darkness

    ★★★½

    It's basically a Japanese Harry Potter. With Satanic rituals. And voodoo. And nudity. And beheadings. And gore. And lesbians.