ella’s review published on Letterboxd:
been feeling a whole new level of empty recently. i know it’s cliche, but i do wonder if all this pain we feel is actually worth it. at least for me, feeling genuine joy is so rare. part of that is clinical depression, some of it is the mundane nature of life that i’m doing my best to come to terms with. the moments of my life in the last few months that were unplanned were my happiest moments. the one that comes to mind first is when my best friend and i went to go get taco bell on a whim. we were just fresh off a moonlight rewatch and feeling raw. we hopped in her car. i had the aux chord. on the way there, i chose songs that i knew we both loved. we drove and softly sang clairo’s bags (shut UP) to ourselves. anyways, on the way back, i put on cinnamon girl by lana del rey. lindsay turned the volume all the way up and we screamed every single word. she chose to take the long way home, so we listened to born to die and video games. screaming and crying in that car with the taco bell in the bag burning my lap was the most alive i had felt in months. i haven’t felt that exhilarated since. i guess that’s my long-winded way of communicating that the moments i remember and cherish vividly are the spontaneous ones. problem is, i know what my life is going to look like for the next ten years. i’ll graduate, go to college, graduate, and hopefully get a job that’s at least in the realm what i want to be doing with my life. i don’t know how much room there will be for spontaneity. i’m trying to get better, but i know my depression is never going to fully go away. it’s not realistic. that’s not how it works. i’ll continue to work on myself, but will still (at the least) be periodically miserable. this film is a punch in the gut and warm hug at the same time. it reminds me that this is my reality, but it is also the reality of many others, and they learn to deal with it.