The year is 2008. You’re a filler guest at a $75k Hinduism-themed nondenominational wedding in Connecticut feat. the guy from TV on the Radio. Rachel’s getting married. Jonathan Demme is still alive. He’s trying a Dogme 95 thing. It works. Anne Hathaway even has the Karen cut, almost. You don’t yet know it, and the United States has already been through a lot, but this is as good as it’s going to get. It is all downhill from here.
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Mortuary 2005
God damn, dude. Takes a minute to get there but by the third act this whole affair is Very Scary. I may have nightmares! Captures the essence of like Resident Evil / House of the Dead (the games, obviously) but very much still feels like an original product of Ol’ Texas Tobe. Perhaps I am already connected to the premise, but your kooky single mom getting a new interest and subsequently casually walking you into the scariest situation of your…
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Marcel the Shell with Shoes On 2021
One of the noblest things a human can do is bestow upon a kid an appreciation, even a reverence, for small, delicate, seemingly insignificant things. This does all that and so much more. I am not ashamed to say that I wept.
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House of Gucci 2021
Holy fucking shit 😳 World Series of Covetousness and jobber nonsense. We walked out a little under two hours in, after a little under two hours of abso fucking lute nothingness. There isn’t even any fashion. What there is, is ridiculous accents and Phantom Thread pantomiming. Unimportant tax-based infodumping and pirouetting around a legacy enabled by fascist collaborazione. One of the more important moments of dialogue is literally “Can I ask you a question?” “You just did.” All just further evidence of the Netflixization of cinema and, subsequently, culture. Not even bad enough to be camp!
