Favorite films

  • Beetlejuice
  • Get Out
  • Night of the Creeps
  • Creep

Recent activity

  • A Simple Favor


  • The Retrievers

  • The Death of Dick Long


  • Never Rarely Sometimes Always


Pinned reviews

  • Midwest Obsession

    Midwest Obsession


    July Horror 2021, day 28 - inspired by true crime

    "You've probably seen my picture in the paper, I'm the Dairy Princess"

    Ok guys, brace your butter for the GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE - Midwest Obsession! Surprisingly it's not about Ohio State football or pickup maintenance or grilling the perfect steak, it's a Lifetime stalker movie but with COWS! So, so many cows. The cows really set this thing apart from every other movie like this called Deadly Obsession or…

  • Alien Beasts

    Alien Beasts

    February Horror 2021, Day 20, challenge #6 - SOV

    "He opened an extradimensional porthole!" He sure did. Wow, even the description of this movie is an adventure. (And yes, I'm pretty sure he said "porthole." Ahoy matey! To the pirate dimension! I wish.)

    Aaand we're tossed right into some kind of yard wrestling/kicking match that makes the rake fight in Hobgoblins look dignified. Somebody coughs, keep rolling! No music, just lawn kicking and birds chirping. As nature intended. This is brought to…

Recent reviews

  • A Simple Favor

    A Simple Favor


    Rewatched after reading the book, and yeah this is still 4 stars easily. One of the rare cases of the movie being better! Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively just CRUSH this thing, they're both amazing. Also the screenplay feels way snappier than the novel, almost like it's parodying this kind of thriller while also being a great this kind of thriller (the mommy/wine kind). It's def somewhat a comedy while the book wasn't at all. Also some of my fave…

  • The Retrievers

    The Retrievers

    Guy who can sort of kick people? check. Vague shadowy gov't organization? check. Ladyperson to kiss? check. Start rollin boys!!

    How many low-budge action movies were made because they knew a guy who's had two years of karate. Can he grunt and kick things? Clearly he should be a star! This certainly isn't the worst but it does have the most baffling "fat people always be eating" joke ever, Fat Guy With Big Bag of Apples. Is that the joke,…

Popular reviews

  • A House on the Bayou

    A House on the Bayou

    November Horror 2021 challenge #26 - something happens in a store

    "Well, the devil believes in you"

    Seriously just call your movie HEY BITCH, THIS HAS SPOOKY TREE MOSS IN IT! and I'll come runnin'. I don't even care if you call me a bitch, I am that bitch. I mean this movie is pretty much, for lack of a better term, moss porn. Moss in the morning, moss at night, moss by a pool, moss swaying in front of…

  • We Summon the Darkness

    We Summon the Darkness

    I Summon My Patience

    Damn, I loved the film I thought I was gonna see. Midwest Metalheads vs Bible Thumpers in a Satanic Panic brawl of doom, hells yeah! Don't listen to the summary, that is not the film we got. I'm not even sick of 80s nostalgia yet, if it's done well and not pandering. But House of the Devil, this is not. I might not have even known it was the 80s if they hadn't told us (well…