Southland Tales ★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

"I was fucking her, you see. And all of a sudden, BAM, I puke all over her tits."
- Boxer Santaros (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) [Cannes Cut]
"Teen horniness is not a crime."
- Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar)

"Quantum teleportation."
- Dr. Katarina Kuntzler (Zelda Rubinstein)

This is Richard Kelly's Dogma.

You see, the thing that's happening is that the wizard Baron Von Westphalen and his mother Inga (Wallace Shawn and Beth Grant) are trying to incite the apocalypse, and dethrone God, with the creation of a timegod, and their holy text is in the form of the screenplay that Krysta wrote, called The Power, after she was fed mushrooms, and they're leading Boxer through the events of the screenplay which involve an apocalytic baby fart, but actually what only Katarina and Serpentine (Bai Ling) know is that it's false prophecy, the events of the Christian god (stigmata) are actually the winner, vanquishing the Marxists and subverting even the Neo Marxists, as the third way of pacifism (Lou Taylor Pucci) proves to them all that the world is going to end with a bang (rocket launcher) and not a whimper (baby fart.) It's not confusing. It's just that there's a removed scene from the screenplay where Martin takes mushrooms in a bathroom and it's important. Also, you have to read the graphic novels and listen to the audio commentary on the blu ray.

Anyway, R.I.P. to
- All the people killed in the nuclear attack on Abilene, Texas
- Kenny Chan, Neo Marxist, betrayed by Starla Von Luft and killed by a SWAT team
- All the other Neo Marxists killed in the raid, including Eli Roth
- Deon and Dream Element, killed by racist cop Bart Bookman
- Starla Von Luft, shot by Treer Corporation para-military soldier
- Bart Bookman, also shot by Treer Corporation para-military soldier
-Zora Charmichaels, also shot by Treer Corporation para-military soldier
-Nana Mae Frost - Shot to death by Neo Marxist
-Martin Kefauver - leapt to death off of levitating ice cream truck
And everyone else in the world, because the apocalypse happened, they're all dead.

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