• Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    Whoever it was who described this as an episode of 30 Rock must not think much of 30 Rock.

  • Billy Madison

    Billy Madison


    Sandman's best. This through The Waterboy are the only ones that matter.

  • Panic



    Not good hitman movie in the Sopranos/pre-Gigli early 2000s style thing. Predictable ending, yet I could never have predicted that they’d drop the therapist stuff so soon. Could’ve used some rewrites and a different score. Was that really a Flaming Lips needle drop? At least I didn’t reach for my 3DS (SMT Devil Survivor) once during this thing.

    Watch Edmond instead for Macy doing interesting stuff involving murder.

  • Miami Blues

    Miami Blues


    I guess 1990 was the year Demme gave his colorful, violent side to George Armitage, also the director of Grosse Pointe Blank? Combine both movies and you have Something Wild. Combine this with Alec's brass balls in Glengarry for a complete and functional set for Friday nights when you don't have a date.

  • Bandits



    Barry’s the kind of guy who will make a perfectly good movie with Cate Blanchetts bubbliest performance and make it 2 hours long and give it this title and poster.

    The music that plays during the heists belongs in Southland Tales.

  • The Mothman Prophecies

    The Mothman Prophecies


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Every movie deserves the Dark City finale but only a select few are willing to reach out and grab it.

  • The Neon Demon

    The Neon Demon


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The absurd tale of a young girl who becomes a model who becomes a goddess of beauty who is also evil who is killed, eaten (and probably fucked) by models who are not as pretty as she and puked out violently by a lesser model because she had plastic surgery. A delight. If Refn ever makes another movie I like this much I’ll be very happy. Fav movie of 2016.

    1/2 off for the knife in the mouth scene and general tediousness.

    MVP Jena Malone!

  • Dave Chappelle: The Closer

    Dave Chappelle: The Closer


    Chapelle’s me too specials were godly, and this is an abomination. Good metaphor for 2017 vs 2021 huh. It’s not very brave to commit professional suicide under the circumstances of our times. Nothing here is helpful and yes I hatewatched it. Dave is an honorary white for this one.

  • Take Shelter

    Take Shelter


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Not the 11 PM-worthy ‘nado movie I was expecting but that’s okay. The kind of movie that Terry Gilliam could’ve made worse and more annoying. I don’t know what to think of that ending. Demands a rewatch later on.

  • Mystery Men

    Mystery Men


    Gotta see Night of the Hunter yes but the way people talk about Charles Laughton is how I think of Kinka Usher. He’s drunk on cinema here.

  • The Card Counter

    The Card Counter


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The Abu Ghraib stuff is done so well. The rest of the movie I’m not sold on completely and has a few character decisions that baffle me in the third act, but Schrader killing Tye Sheridan demonstrates how he truly knows what to do when telling a story. The title though is a little easy and I’d argue that owning sheets is more important to the character than his ability to count cards. I would have called this The Sheets Haver if I made this movie.

    A superior Refn movie for sure and he does it so easily.

  • Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa .5

    Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa .5


    The Spike Jonze and Catherine Keener-heavy documentary that I’ve wanted ever since 1999.