Ephereal has written 11 reviews for films rated .

  • August Underground

    August Underground

    This was essentially and hour and 10 of two itiots laughing at each other for literally no reason.
    I think I was supposed to be "shocked" by the "depravity" but no.
    This was just two idiots laughing as they hurt people for no reason.... And then laughing about that too.

    The intentionally grainy and static sound and visuals had me struggling to get through this. Wishing it were over by the half way point for all the wrong reasons.

  • Son of the Mask

    Son of the Mask

    Oh GOD!
    Children, WHY did you pick this for movie night?
    No, better question, WHY WAS THIS MADE?
    The Mask in this looks absolutely ridiculous, has ZERO charm and used badly rehashed scenes.
    The plot is pretty contemptible garbage.
    The dog scenes are cringey as FUCK!

    The only reason this gets a ful star is that it made a 4 and 6 year old laugh a few times....

    Good job Lawrence Guterman. You ruined the mask!

  • Mutant Hunt

    Mutant Hunt

    Sorry.
    I wanted this to be a fun 80's action exploitation adventure.
    But it was so utterly dull I fell asleep trying to get through the lacklustre, almost nonsensical story and incredibly underwhelming fight scenes...

    Also for 'totally unstoppable killer droids" they seemed to e taken down 1 V 1 pretty readily...

  • 2020: Fallen Earth

    2020: Fallen Earth

    this movie had no point...
    There was no explanation as to why society had failed.
    the "raiders" seemed pretty civil, only taking food stuffs and not really hurting anyone which kind of meant no real sense of danger.
    The love interest angle was made weird by the boy being 16 or whatever.
    The safe haven was just dumb. The uncle had a good system with plenty of food but was unnecessarily cruel to people about it.
    Also why didn't raiders raid the bountiful farm for proper produce instead of tent-cities for half empty cans?

    Oh, and the ending renders the whole nonsense movie even more pointless.

  • VANish

    VANish

    You promised me Danny Trejo...
    I got about 30 seconds of Danny Trejo.
    This is unacceptable!

    The rest of the film is pretty boring, there is a LOT going on, and the characters flip-flop around personality wise.
    There's like.... 5 'side-stories' weaving together to explain the absolute chaos that is unfolding.
    Murder, revenge,betrayal, drugs, a shootout.
    And yet it somehow manages to remain boring, and completely forgettable.

    Or maybe I'm just sour because I WAS PROMISED DANNY TREJO!

  • Evil Bong 777

    Evil Bong 777

    This was pretty awful.
    The other movies had (in their own way) some small amount of charm. this was just attempt after attempt to be offensive and stupid.

    The weed puns re worse than ever, not really even attempting to be clever and the transphobic humour was really off-putting. the sex scenes were almost as bad.

    On top of all this, the story didn't even really make any sense.
    While 4 had it's issues, at-least it served a purpose, this was just, plan, bad and I'm glad there isn't another one after this!

  • 2101

    2101

    Wow, where to start on this train wreck?
    The acting. Dear good theres less wood in a pine forest! Particularly the character of Donny who seems to go from being a wannabe gangster to a 6year old having a tantrum with absolutely no warning!
    There's ZERO chemistry between the cast, or constancy. Our lead, Shia seems so keen to ignore his "Girlfriend" Jessica in one scene, only to tell her he can't live/do this mission without her, and then flips…

  • The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made

    The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made

    I think the best part about this 'Documentary' is that it's quite possibly the WORST ever made.
    They allow for maybe a one minute rundown of each film (if that) and barely explain why they think some are deserving of the list. (And in one case actually admit the film is so bad it's good, and as such should NOT be on the list)

    It also just seems like who-ever directed this just really, really, HATES Ed Wood and Bella Lugosi.

  • Day of the Dead: Bloodline

    Day of the Dead: Bloodline

    I'll give it an extra 0.5 as there were some small parts that were mildly Interesting.
    The rest however is what happens when you burn what remains after an initial dumpster fire.
    From the start of the film with the "4 hours earlier" completely Non explanation of what's happened.
    The random party.
    The military personnel who are stupidly unprofessional.
    Civilians doing some truly stupid shit, or flying off the handle and being absurd.
    The promises made early on that are…

  • El Camino Christmas

    El Camino Christmas

    I didn't really know what to expect with this.
    A comedic crime Christmas mash-up? sounds decent enough, lets give it a go!
    DON'T give it a go. What a bunch of twaddle.
    Every single thing that every character does is an exceptional display of what NOT to do in every single circumstance.
    The only competent character in the whole movie is 'Kate' played by Michelle Mylett.

    The 'disillusioned' cop played by D'Nofrio is a terribly written character. and the 'hero'…

  • Antfarm Dickhole

    Antfarm Dickhole

    I don't....
    It's just....
    I can't....
    I don't even know what the say....
    This is either a 1 with a like or a 4 with a don't like...
    I'm not even sure at this point.