Ephereal has written 46 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • Trancers 4: Jack of Swords

    Trancers 4: Jack of Swords

    ★★½

    "Engarde Mother Fucker"
    I thought trancers 3 was atrocious (well, it was...) but this manages to be somehow WORSE!
    The blurb sets it up as a futuristic space adventure. Where it is in fact a medieval affair.
    Where 3 ret-cons Trancers into government super soldiers, this instalment ret-cons them yet again as Vampire like people who harvest life essence.

    Jack Death is even more of a bumbling fool here, although HE DOES actually win some of his own fights, so…

  • True Memoirs of an International Assassin

    True Memoirs of an International Assassin

    ★★½

    While there was nothing technically WRONG with this movie, there was unfortunately nothing that really stood out to make it worth recommending.
    The opening sequence is probably the highlight of the film, which really tells you something about the rest of the film.

    It just doesn't sit comfortably in any one genre, is it a comedy? maybe!
    is it an action film? Maybe! is it a political thriller!? MAYBE!
    But it doesn't lean into any one of these choices enough…

  • The Thing

    The Thing

    ★★½

    interesting concept.
    Seemed far more style over substance.

    I think I'll have to take a look at the 1982 version which I'm told is much better.

    On the plus side.... Mary Elizabeth Winstead

  • Priest

    Priest

    ★★½

    Visually impressive, this movie showed quite a lot of promise from the beginning.
    How-ever not long after the titular priest leave the convent city, the action quickly takes front seat to any real story substance.

    "What?" I hear you say "A priest vs vampires dystopian sci-fi matial arts action western isn't good!?!?"
    I know, the combination of elements sounds like it was set up to fail from the get go. But there was sincerely a lot that was working for…

  • Pacific Rim: Uprising

    Pacific Rim: Uprising

    ★★½

    for a movie about giant robots fighting even more giant monsters and other haywire robots....
    This managed to be pretty lacklustre.

    It was okay, but after the first I had pretty high hopes for this and it just didn't deliver.

    The character development was sloppy.
    "My father gave speeches, I'm not my father"
    *Proceeds to immediately give heartfelt speech*

    Young girl from the streets immediately outranks students who have been training for years.

    Just felt very lazily slapped together.

  • Bloody Bloody Bible Camp

    Bloody Bloody Bible Camp

    ★★½

    There's not a lot of room for "new" in the old "psycho stalking a camp" genre. so this had a lot working against it.
    The opening sequence of this had me very concerned that this would be an absolute cringe-fest. there is a LOT of over-stereotyping and misogyny abounds!

    Luckily, after the title sequence, this is severely stripped back. Yes, they still do racial and character stereotyping. but it's not QUITE as in your face.
    The bad guy gets an…

  • Blood Scarab

    Blood Scarab

    ★★½

    First things first.
    In a movie that is about a LESBIAN VAMPIRE making a LESBIAN harem, I think the very first rule for casting shuold be women who WONT look completely grossed out and uncomfortable kissing another woman!

    Seriously, there wasn't a single convincing lesbian moment in this film.

    On the plus side, Monique Parent is absolutely STUNNING as the countess Bathory, and Natasha Diakova and Mina is certainly attractive too.
    The other women are certainly nothing to sniff at,…

  • War of the Worlds: Goliath

    War of the Worlds: Goliath

    ★★½

    The premise for this being an alternate history story sounded fantastic!
    Unfortunately, about from using names like "Tesla" and "The Red Baron" in passing, this is pretty much just an alien invasion action anime.

    That's not to say that it was a bad film, It just felt like they could have done so much more in a steam-punk scenario.
    Tesla-based electricity weapons were annoyingly absent, wit the only real 'non standard' weapons for the time being the heat ray they adapted from the alien tech.


    All in all, it was a DECENT watch, but considering the premise they had to work with it felt criminally under-utilised.

  • The New Barbarians

    The New Barbarians

    ★★½

    Like a strange Mad Max rip-off.
    Somewhere between the slow burn of the original, and the macho gusto of Road Warrior.
    Only the "hero" in this, whom everyone seems deathly afraid of. Is completely incapable and is often out match. Having to be saved at least 3 times.
    Even if the finale, he's outshone by his "side kicks" a burly, bow wielding death machine played by Fred Williamson (bbetter known for his Blacksploitation career) and,a young boy with a slingshot...…

  • Dragon Wasps

    Dragon Wasps

    ★★½

    Corin Nemec plays a believably disgruntled and disolussioned soldier, while Benny Easterday plays the subtle as a sledgehammer, but enjoyable comedic relief.
    The two aid the typically bimboesque Dominika Juillet as the annoying scientist with daddy issues.
    While a lot of the main "Help me find my daddy" and consequent "dang, gotta save my men!" plot points largely make no real sense, and there is quite a lot of contradiction to be found. The over all presentation, and the way…

  • Crawl

    Crawl

    ★★½

    So you're telling me a person can break tempered security door glass with a garden chair.
    But a 350kg+ beast of a gator can't get into that shower?

    Sorry, but that scene alone just made me so angry I can't rate this too high.
    Plus, it was just kind of boring. Highly predictable in parts, and wildly inconsistent in others.

    It does LOOK impressive though.

  • John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    ★★½

    What the everloving FUCK was that shit?
    The first two were such great films with fantastic choreography.
    This was a hot mess of over the top nonsense. A grandeous exhibit of self indulgence.
    At least with the first 2 there was some sense of grounding, but Parabellum? Just takes everything one step too far.
    Also they leaned too much on humour which never quite seemed to connect.
    And of course the random referencing of other films.

    There were some worthwhile scenes, the battle with the dogs being of particular note.

    All in all it was so much action that it actually managed to become BORING.