RSS feed for Epic
  • The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

    The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones


    This movie was so bad that it made me angry. There is obviously enough there to make a decent if not good movie out of the pieces, but it's like someone actively worked to make the result shit instead. It starts out promising some Buffy meets Harry Potter kind of deal which was really promising, but the plot was incoherent, the characters either bland or nonexistent, there was no internal logic to the world, and no one's motivation really made sense to me. I feel like this was a missed opportunity to make a YA-franchise that didn't suck ass, but someone went "nah, too much work."

  • Insurgent


    Absolutely terrible. Where this movie ends is where the first one should've ended. Even if you buy the world and feel invested in the characters, this movie serves no purpose and is just a retread of what the first one already did. But good on Kate Winslet and Octavia Spencer that they got their slice of the YA-pie before the genre ends.

  • Divergent



    I have to rate this a 4/10 just because there's so much like it that's even worse, and at least this one is fun to take the piss out of with a friend.

  • Burlesque



    Shit movie but X-tina is hot as fuck fam.

  • London Has Fallen

    London Has Fallen


    This is a pretty good movie. It's a dumb action movie, for sure, but it has heart, a gleam in its eye, and it's a tad political. I quite liked it, though I was very drunk.

    Olympus has Fallen was horrid, beyond terrible, and fucking stupid. Let's get that out of the way. Neither Gerard Butler's Agent Banning (or Bannon? I've already forgotten) nor Aaron Eckhart's President Asher were characters anyone longed to see more of, but here they are…

  • Our Brand Is Crisis

    Our Brand Is Crisis


    I love the great game that is election campaigns and am perpetually in love with Sandra Bullock, so this was made for me.

  • Imagine Me & You

    Imagine Me & You


    A cute and comfy movie with a great supporting cast. Lena Heady is at her best in roles where she smiles and isn't angry.

  • 10 Things I Hate About You

    10 Things I Hate About You


    This film is just amazingly charming and really comfy to watch. It's also one of the most 90's movies I've ever seen in its look, tone, and style. My favuorite Shakespeare adaptation and an absolutely essential part of the high canon of teen RomComs.

  • Babysitter's Black Book

    Babysitter's Black Book


    Predictable and shallow garbage, but at least it's sexy garbage and in spite of its shallowness it still manages to make a point about sexual morality.

  • Chinatown




  • The Big Short

    The Big Short


    It's aight.

  • Black Mass

    Black Mass


    This shit is weak, there's no way around it. The Crime Epic genre is so packed with great films that even decent ones feel shoddy in comparison, but Black Mass is mediocre at best, and thus comes across as a massive bore, especially since it's heavily invoking both The Departed and the Godfather-trilogy, and reminding the viewer of similar but vastly superior films is never a good idea.

    The story of Whitey Bulger is pretty great and could make for…