EqualOppDork

EqualOppDork

Ratings are based purely on level of enjoyment derived from watching a movie, so don't be shocked when I give garbage five stars.

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  • Bad Hair

    Bad Hair

    This movie could have been completely devoid of any kind of deeper social commentary and just been about an evil weave and I still would have loved it. I don't know what actually getting a weave is like but I shaved my head because brushing my hair was too much effort. Respect.

  • Death Becomes Her

    Death Becomes Her

    The beginning of Death Becomes Her makes me question my status as a musical fan. Everyone in the movie is taking about how bad it was and I loved it. I also want to celebrate how briskly paced this movie was. 20 minutes wasted on exposition? Oh no, Zemeckis had shit to do.

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  • Tiger House

    Tiger House

    A low budget home invasion flick set in an alternate reality where peripheral vision doesn't exist. That's the only explanation I can come up with for why people in this movie never see anything that isn't directly in front of them. Our lead spends a solid 20 minutes of this movie trapped under a bed. That's exactly as exciting as it sounds. What this should have been was Die Hard in a big house with a female hero. What it ends up being is a unending string of preposterous "sneaking moments" that are supposed to be tense but are actually just boring.

  • The Wrong Stepmother

    The Wrong Stepmother

    "Maddie was married, before, except back then, she was going by Claire, and Claire had inherited a lot of money from her husband, who died under accidental circumstances, and that made her inherit a lot of money."

    Everything you need to know about the quality of this movie.