Ratings are proximity to "the ideal film." Reviews are quick thoughts cranked out right after watching - otherwise, I'd be here all night!
Overlong, dragging out every moment (we get it already!!), with all the scares too protracted to even function as scares, without cinematography good enough to make it bearable. Characters who are barely sketches (grieving, studious, horny) or in Christian's case, an undulating ombre of whatever the movie needs at that moment, abruptly whipping from sadsack doormat, to thesis-obsessed snake, to drugged, confused shell. I think what makes Ari Aster so insufferable to me is, like Mike Flanagan, he seems to have absolutely zero sense of humor about his work.
Also, this movie is just, incredibly xenophobic towards Scandinavian culture!!
A vain woman walks around the city while awaiting medical test results. The cinematography is gorgeous — pan-tilts whipping between objects, between doorknobs; the dazzling color opening sequence; a shot of the pianist's head just poking above the piano; Cleo and the soldier framed between two trees; sumptuous driving shots, the car's windshield a bisected frame. But, like the person Cléo is or seemingly aspires to be, there doesn't seem to be much below the surface.
The opposite of fun. Un-fun. Almost every first choice a character makes is immediately the correct solution, and the only thing that ever happens is "conflicts," so the plot has to keep generating more and more of these boring little nothing conflicts to fill time. The characters are for the most part written and performed as either stoic or teary-eyed, which is wild in this movie about giant animals smashing stuff up. Get somebody in there whooping and hollering about…
The most accurate on-screen portrayal of a one-man show I've ever seen, and by that I mean: insufferable. DelGaudio delivers his self-serious monologues in the "heightened everyman" style of The Moth story slams, and acts surprised whenever one of his pre-planned audio or lighting cues starts up. I've never seen fake-shock at a prop outside of a comedy show and I now know why: it makes the performer look incredibly stupid, whether intentional or not. The inherent appeal of this…